After Divorce: Seven Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person’s life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living “out of the habit” of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years. Eventually, you begin to think about dating, but it is suggested that you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. If you have worked outside the home combined with being a mom and wife for the last ten, fifteen or twenty years, you may have lost yourself along the way. Certainly not on purpose, but as most women try to do it all as “super” moms, many times we put our own wants and needs on hold to keep our families and jobs running smoothly! Take a deep breath and let’s start to rediscover our true passions and say…Will the Real Me Please Stand Up! 1. Treasure Your Gifts Within Realizing we are all born as “gold nuggets” is a hard concept for many women to believe about themselves. Think about how magnificent you really are! Over time, you might have forgotten your unique gifts and are only thinking of what you don’t like about yourself or your life. Set a new intention, starting today, to list all of your great qualities and read that list everyday. Keep reading it until you believe it. Examples: beautiful smile, kindness, generosity, loving, caring, intelligent… keep going. Your list is endless, when you start focusing on your great qualities. Allow yourself to see the shining gold within. It’s already there! 2. Give Yourself A Break During and after a divorce it is common to have the feeling of grieving, similar to that of the loss of someone. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. Barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work a few minutes early so you can stop to sit on a park bench long enough to get that sense of the unique and special YOU. Take this time to experience life even for only 10 minutes without feeling like a wife, mother, sister or daughter… simply you! Yes, you do deserve to do something special for yourself. It can be as simple as taking a bath or a walk, going to the mall or reading a book with your favorite cup of tea. Give yourself permission - it’s O.K. Remember, the happier you are, the happier your family will be! 3. No regrets! No bitterness! Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Is your inner voice working overtime with all the “what ifs” and “if onlys”? This is normal for a period of time, but ask yourself…are these thoughts serving me or helping me feel better? Will thinking about them over and over again change anything? To move your life forward, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and to learn from your past experiences to prepare yourself for the next exciting chapter of your life. Yes, there is life after divorce. Learn to let it go! Just, let it go! A quote from Buddy Hackett, “I never hold a grudge because while I am being angry, the other person is out dancing.” 4. Enjoy the Little Things Life after divorce usually means added responsibilities. If you are a single parent or are now the one responsible for the once shared to-do list, how do you handle it all without being totally stressed out? To start, learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Learn to let things go and not take life so seriously. Lighten-up! Learn to live in the present moment. Living in the present is where all the “good stuff” in life happens. Yesterday’s worries are gone forever and tomorrow’s to-do list can wait. Think of it this way, when one is missing this moment in time, one is missing out on one’s life. So how do we live in the present? If you are feeling stressed, immediately leave your thoughts in your head and take off your blinders. (Blinders similar to what a horse would wear, not allowing it to see from side to side). Start to look around you. I mean really look around you. Look closely at everything. Really focus. Use all your senses! For example, if you are with your children observe them. Cherish their smiles. Give them a hug. See the true beauty of who they are and appreciate them for being a part of your life. You will start to feel your stress subside and a feeling of peace sweep over you. To be present, no matter where you are, use all your senses to pull you back into the moment. Take time to appreciate all the beauty that already exists around you. You only have to be present to see it! 5. What Makes Your Heart Sing? What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them? Why is it so important to be clear on what your life’s purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It’s your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood; Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its’ own? When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life - body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down. 6. What Are Your Vibes Saying About You? Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you have heard the expressions, “What you think about, you bring about” or “The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you.” When going through a divorce, your emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. Use this time to become reconnected to your inner awareness of who you are. Learn to sit still and quiet until you understand what emotions you are feeling. Realize that your feelings and sensations are okay, then learn to listen to what your mind and body are telling you. Here is a great tip…recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy. A few examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, or a sense of lack (lack of time or money) and high energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, love or compassion. If you are having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy? First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are having. Be gentle with yourself! Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps! Repeat step number one and become present! Be thankful for what is working in your life right now. Do something simple like pat your pet, smell a flower or, if you are in the office, take a minute to think of a previous fun time or experience you have had that could bring a smile to your face. Feel the shift you are starting to make in your energy. Now, to amp up this high energy feeling, think of another time of joy or something you were passionate about in your life. Keep adding these thoughts to your high energy feeling and begin to feel great! Does it seem the people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy? When you are feeling your high energy, this is the time to take your next inspired action and enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something with ease and less effort! 7. Be True To Yourself During and even after a divorce, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn’t I? It seems difficult to make a decision. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn’t feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily. Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to be on a committee or to volunteer for something and you say yes, even though you know it will make your schedule even tighter or you really don’t want to or have to? How do you stop this from happening? Next time you are in this situation and you are ready to say yes, yet, find yourself having doubts, try this … STOP! Take a breath or even take a step back (this action will prevent you from saying yes). Pause! Thank the person for thinking of you, but let them know you will have to check your calendar and get back to them. When you do have time to think about it, focus on how you are feeling. Are you excited to volunteer or do you feel some resistance? If in a day or two you are still feeling doubtful, realize the timing might not be right for you. If you are still excited, join the committee and have fun! Divorce is not easy or fun and you can make it through this time of your life by realizing you WILL make it! Also, honor yourself and listen to your heart! Your true purpose and passions are waiting to be rediscovered within you! When you have discovered the “gold nugget” you already are, you will start to live your life with more ease and enjoy the feeling of peace. “You are truly free!”

Mudarse a Otro Pais

Si te mudas a otro país o ciudad, sea cual fuera la razón, trabajo, situación económica, familia, novio, novia, cambio de aire; todas las razones llegan a ser insuficientes pero necesarias a la hora de adaptarse.

Adaptarse a una nueva cultura, idioma, ambiente, clima, reglas sociales, y estilo de vida es muy duro y al mismo tiempo interesante. En mi caso personal, cuando me mude de país fue porque mi familia lo decidió hacer, no seguí mis necesidades ya que era demasiado chica para seguir mi propio camino y demasiado grande para depender de sus decisiones. Sin embargo seguí las decisiones de mi familia.

Al principio de mi llegada, decidí tomarme todo fácilmente como si fuera irreal, ya que era muy duro enfrentar la realidad de que me aleje de mi vida, que deje todo lo que tenia atrás.

Decidí entonces que todo seria una gran vacación. Junto con el clima era caluroso, vivía cerca de la playa lo cual en mi país no lo tenía entonces mi vida seria un cuento total. A lo largo de los meses, no hacia mas nada que salir, comprar, conocer gente y divertirme sin ningún propósito de lo que iba a pasar en mi futuro.

Luego de unos meses conocí a un chico que creía que cumplía con todas mis expectativas de hombre ideal. Popular, atractivo, simpático, deportista y demás. Comenzamos a salir y creía que era el sueño de mi vida hecho realidad, ¿Qué podía ser mas perfecto que eso?

La realidad me cayo de golpe cuando me di cuenta que nada de lo que creía tan perfecto era así, sino una idealización de eso. Mi plata se me iba disminuyendo poco a poco, el novio perfecto no eran perfecto ni mucho menos sino que solo quería demostrarlo ser, y traía consigo más complicaciones y dilemas que me llevarían a sufrir en la relación. Mis alrededores no me satisfacían como yo pensaba que iban a hacerlo, pero decidí que debía intentarlo igual ya que todo parecía perfecto y no lo quería arruinar.

Luego vino el invierno y comencé lo que había planeado antes de mi llegada: estudiar moda y convertirme en una súper diseñadora. Sin embargo me encontré con un lugar lleno de gente que creía ser demasiado rara y competitiva, sin nada de ganas de socializar ni conocer a alguien nuevo. La presión de ser aceptado a la escuela de arte y ganar la simpatía de los profesores era mayor que otra cosa.

Me encontré en situaciones difíciles como en una clase de moldes, tratando de hacer una pollera que me llevaría hacer un día entero solo el molde. Ahí me di cuenta que lo que necesitaba era estudiar en un idioma que me era cómodo, con gente parecida a mi con ganas de disfrutar la época universitaria y aprender pero con un propósito mas profundo que llenara mi alma.

Luego de un tiempo pensé y pensé que todo lo que creía necesario para mi felicidad en realidad no me satisfacía y no entendía mis sentimientos y descontento. Mi familia tampoco lo entendía. La verdad es que hay gente que sabe encontrar lo que busca más fácil que otra. Pueden seguir su propio instinto sin importar lo que dirán los demás, si aceptan o no. Hay otra, que les es más difícil y necesitan demostrar a los demás que logran lo que se proponen, sin saber si realmente lo desean.

En fin, mudarse de país es algo muy complicado que también tiene cosas positivas. Ayuda a abrir la cabeza y darse cuenta que uno no esta solo, que hay mucha gente diferente aparte de lo que uno creía único, que las culturas son diferentes y parecidas en muchos aspectos, que a pesar de que uno intente adaptarse a algo nuevo, en el fondo es importante mantener nuestra identidad. Debes seguir tus sentimientos siempre, porque tu solo sabes lo que es bueno para ti.

Life Advice: A Lost Friend Speaks

When my friend sensed that in a few weeks the light of life was about to be extinguished, and that there was no more hope for him, he called me to his side and said, "If only I had lived my life differently, I might not have felt such an emptiness now. Promise me," he caught my hand, "Promise me that you won't make the same mistake." And when I asked him what mistakes, he asked me to get a pen and paper and to jot down his last words. Here they are in condensed form:

1) Talk less; listen more.

2) Listen to your grandfather's stories about his youth. When he's gone, you will relive the bond through these memories.

3) Invite friend over for a snack or dinner even if the house is a mess.

4) Eat popcorn in the living room even though its messy.

5) Invite the friends who have children home. Don't worry about their children creating a mess.

6) Sit on the grass even though it dirties your pants.

7) Never buy something just because it lasts for a long time or because it is practical.

8) Stay in bed and at home when sick and stop pretending that the world cannot go one without me for a day.

9) Light up the wonderfully crafted candles and let them burn out. Better this than they accumulate dust in the closet.

10) Share life's responsibilities with a partner, not only expenses.

11) (Meant for Women) Instead of waiting for the pregnancy to get over, cherish each moment in your heart. Understand that the life in you is the only chance you will get to help god create magic.

12) Let your children hug and kiss you whenever they wish to. Don't stop them by saying things like: later, go wash your hands first, we have to eat dinner.

13) Say the following two phrases as often as possible: "I love you" and "I am sorry."

14) Stop worrying about who loves or and who doesn't or about what others have or don't have.

15) Cherish all personal human relations.

16) Play with a pet every day. Laugh and run with it and take part in all its antics.

17) Spend more time with the people who love you.

18) Stop sweating because of all the small details and problems of life.

19) Grab every moment, look at it and live it. That moment will never return again.

Her name was Susan, and she had one six year old daughter. Susan taught me these few basic ideals that I have tried to follow in honour of her memory. It has made me a better man, a much nicer husband and in general, a happier person. Even now I can hear her say that God has blessed each and every one of us, and that we should accept these blessings and strive to become stronger both physically, mentally and also emotionally. I will always remember what she said to me the last time we met: "Jack, you are lucky. Don't blow it."

Life Advice: Looking Through a Window

Living in today's metropolitan world of cellular phones, mobile computers and other high-tech gadgets is not just hectic but very impersonal. We make money and then invest our time and effort in making more money. Does it end? Not usually because we are never satisfied. How many times have we convinced ourselves that if only we had some more money, life would be so sweet? But then, after receiving a substantial raise, we realize that it wasn't enough and that we need more?

What Should You Do?
I have read many books on life such as Robin Sharma's Monk says this and the monk says that, and they all seem to say that money is not necessary. But it is. Can you do without cash and a lot of it? I know I can't.

So, I went to the neighbourhood Rabbi and asked for advice that will help me find my true way in life.

The rabbi nodded and took me to the window. "What do you see?" he asked me.

Promptly, I answered, "I can see people walking to and fro and a blind man is begging for alms at the left corner."

The Rabbi nodded and guided me to a big mirror. "Now look and tell me what you see?"

"I can see myself," I man answered.

The Rabbi smiled. "Now you can't see anyone else. The mirror and the window are both created from the same raw material: glass, but because on one of them they have applied a thin layer of silver, when you look at it all you can see is your own reflection."

The Rabbi placed his arm on my shoulders. "Compare yourself to those two pieces of glass. Without the silver layer, you saw the other people and felt compassion for them. When you are covered with silver, you see only yourself."

I looked at the Rabbi and stared. "I don't understand."

The Rabbi continued. "You will become someone only if have the courage to remove the silver covering over your eyes in order to again see and love others." He patted me on my back and sent me on my way.

I have thought of what he said and come to the conclusion that he had a point. Yes. We need money and we should not aim to lead a moneyless existence; its pointless and will only cause us and our families many heartbreaks in the future.

Instead, I suggest that we should follow the advice the Rabbi gave me. When we approach life through a silver covering, all we are able to see is ourselves. But discard that covering, and you will be able to see and feel everyone else.

Conclusion:
In life, we are allowed to and should be able to look at both kinds of mirrors, but we should remember that a mirror reflects only us; a window is the door to compassion, health and true wealth. In other words, seek wealth by all means, but don't let it dissuade you from life, people, children and the poor and needy.

How to Concentrate in 4 Magic Steps

One of the main problems that deter a person's success is their lack of concentration. Lapses encourage disturbances to get in the way and stall progress. If ones wishes to proceed on their road to success, it is imperative they learn how to concentrate. Here, we show you some easy to learn exercises that are easy to implement.

1) Silence or Noise:
Most people cannot concentrate when it is too noisy, but others work better with music or others in the midst of a crowded room. If you are not aware as yet what best suits you, then try out the different environments. How? Take a notepad and a pencil or pen with you and try and write down a letter in all the three circumstances in a set amount of time. Ten minutes. That is all you will need to determine where your source of concentration lies. How? Check not only for length but also for development as that is more important.

2) Focal Point:
Every morning, before you leave for work or on the way, stare at any object for ten minutes. You can do this while in the toilet, car or bus. You will find this difficult, but whatever happens, do not move your gaze away. Hold it. Wait. And then, as the minutes pass you will find yourself deeply meditating about things that happened to you yesterday or challenges you have to face in a few minutes. Congratulations. You have just conquered the art of meditation.

3) Deep Breathing:
In the beginning, you can do this while staring at the object from tip number two, but if you wish to move towards real concentration, do this separetly. Sit down on the floor. If its hard, place a cushion. Close your eyes. Breathe. Count the number of inhales. When you have reached 100, start counting backwards but this time count the exhales. Mastering this will take you a while, but once you do move on to other kinds of mathemathical calculations such as naming the months of the year from December backwards or alphabetically. After that, make up exercises as you like.

4) Movement:
Focus on an animal: cat, dog or even ant or bird. Follow their every movement as if they exist in a vaccumm. Study every tiny spot on their body. The point of this is to learn how to diversify your concentration in such a way that movement does not deter you from your goal.

Conclusion:
Practice the above four tips and like magic, you will start enjoying life to its fullest because you will be able to focus on the things you want to focus on and disregard those that disrupt. Practive the above tips daily and you will be that much more closer to achieving your dreams and goals. Best of Luck!