Kamis, 06 September 2012

Break-Ups And Doubts

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do? After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out? The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don’t miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up. Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

Rabu, 05 September 2012

Are You Prepared For Your Child Custody Hearing?

The court plays a significant role in determining what is in the ‘best interests’ of your child. The court considers all aspects including physical, educational, spiritual, emotional as well as preferential requirements of a child, so it makes a study of homes of both parents, along with schools, location, neighborhoods and facilities, before making a decision on custody. Although the courts have the best interests in mind, there can’t be anyone more important in making the best decision for their children than parents. Parents should try and settle their Child Custody issues outside the courts. A custody decision arrived on your own with two agreeing parents is more desirable than the one which is disputed a determined by the court. Preparing for the Child Custody trial, you should possess certain documents and information related to your children, which will help determine the best interests of your child. It is better if you maintained a record of your children’s life about events which affect them, like visiting with the other parent, grandparents, doctor’s appointment, school activities, family and religious activities, medical appointments and counseling dates, etc. You should support your position, by keeping notes with you regarding, 1) Parent’s Home: This factors determines whether you can provide good surroundings and adequate shelter for your children, the size of the house, neighborhood, availability of help and babysitters, hospitals, bathrooms, bedrooms, etc. play a significant role in determining the best one for the child. Though not an important point, it does help make a good impression. 2) New Relationships: This is a comparatively irrelevant factor in determining Child Custody cases, the court will consider this factor if only the relationship makes any impact on the child’s well being. If the new relationship does not play any important relationship then this point will not be relevant to determination of Child custody. 3) Status Quo: It is an important factor in determining custody case, if a child’s parents reside in different districts, it in unlikely that the court will order to change the residence during the academic year, especially if the child is being properly brought up. If you want a change in status quo, you will be required to furnish a strong reason for this. A good example would be an issue with the current conditions unsafe for the child. 4) Child’s Preference: A child’s preference is not considered by the court since the court will not give a child to make a decision for himself, however this might not be the case if the child happens to be a teenager and possess enough power to think and evaluate position. 5) Parent’s Availability: Full time parenting has an advantage over working full time for supporting oneself. However, the court might not deter from giving you the custody only because you need to work to support yourself and your child. These are just a few things to consider while preparing for your Child Custody case.

Selasa, 04 September 2012

An Apple on Your Head, Relationship Physics

Attempts to describe the differences and similarities of men and women have been made by philosophers, church leaders, and day-time TV. All have failed. Our ancestors lived in trees, then we evolved. Sort of. After centuries of development men still tend to hunt and gather. Men still consider their role to be the provider, to bring home the clubbed furry thing for lunch. Do women still select their mate for his physical prowess? "Him big, make good hunter." Women still tend to nurture and play their supportive role in our homes made of sticks and stone. It is women who have this unique ability to bear more hunters. It is women who still prepare the dead furry thing by combining it with organic matter plucked form the earth. Do men select their women based on physical child bearing attributes? "Big things, make good mother." Anthropologists have offered indisputable scientific proof that men and women are different, and have evolved according to some kind of physical law and cultural rule. They tell us men and women have behaved much the same since the beginning. So by now we should have it all figured out. Men and women should live in their cave and form a bond, based on their primitive need to please the other and to protect their symbiotic relationship. If it were so, then how do we account for the divorce rate? How do we account for the thousands of unhappy marriages? Sir Isaac Newton, a 17th Century scientist, might explain it using his laws of physics. 1. "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force." Soccer mom drives the SUV from field to field and will continue to do so unless she is interrupted by a stationary object called a post. Cooking and cleaning mom tends to continue cooking and cleaning unless she has to rush to aerobics class, or pick up the kids. Working man tends to stay at work unless he is interrupted with a request to show up before the diner is cold, and bring home a loaf of bread. TV man tends to stay at rest unless the game is over and has to use the sandbox, or is out of beer, or both. 2. "The acceleration of an object as produced by a net force is directly proportional to the magnitude of the net force, in the same direction as the net force, and inversely proportional to the mass of the object." Most people think of this as dropping bricks and feathers from tall buildings. It's really a reference to the relationship habits of man and woman. See, back in the 17th century, and anthropologists will agree, women were considered to be objects, and men were the force. If you read the 2nd law again it would be: She moves faster to her mother or to her lover when he pushes her harder. Or, he pushes her by doing nothing at all, especially around the house on weekends when he claims that he needs to rest so he can continue to work and earn money so she can have the SUV to take the kids to soccer and ballet and swimming and rush home to cook and finish the laundry and be ready for sex when he is finished playing on the computer and gets an erection. 3. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." This simple writer firmly believes and affirms that Sir Isaac's third law explains just about every relationship thing between man and woman. This physics law, this law of nature, this universal man-woman law, explains what is going to happen to him when he forgets her birthday. It also explains why she get's him exactly the right colour cover for his golf clubs, or the right size shirt with the button down collar that goes with his pants that she gave him last month. The third law also explains why she reacts the way she does when he brings her flowers. Or phones her when he will be late. Or doesn't forget her birthday. Or takes her to dinner, or takes the kids to soccer so she can have a rest. Or gives her a hug. Or stops what he is doing, or not doing, and simply listens to her. Or says, "I love you" and means it.

Senin, 03 September 2012

After Divorce: Seven Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person’s life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living “out of the habit” of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years. Eventually, you begin to think about dating, but it is suggested that you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. If you have worked outside the home combined with being a mom and wife for the last ten, fifteen or twenty years, you may have lost yourself along the way. Certainly not on purpose, but as most women try to do it all as “super” moms, many times we put our own wants and needs on hold to keep our families and jobs running smoothly! Take a deep breath and let’s start to rediscover our true passions and say…Will the Real Me Please Stand Up! 1. Treasure Your Gifts Within Realizing we are all born as “gold nuggets” is a hard concept for many women to believe about themselves. Think about how magnificent you really are! Over time, you might have forgotten your unique gifts and are only thinking of what you don’t like about yourself or your life. Set a new intention, starting today, to list all of your great qualities and read that list everyday. Keep reading it until you believe it. Examples: beautiful smile, kindness, generosity, loving, caring, intelligent… keep going. Your list is endless, when you start focusing on your great qualities. Allow yourself to see the shining gold within. It’s already there! 2. Give Yourself A Break During and after a divorce it is common to have the feeling of grieving, similar to that of the loss of someone. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. Barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work a few minutes early so you can stop to sit on a park bench long enough to get that sense of the unique and special YOU. Take this time to experience life even for only 10 minutes without feeling like a wife, mother, sister or daughter… simply you! Yes, you do deserve to do something special for yourself. It can be as simple as taking a bath or a walk, going to the mall or reading a book with your favorite cup of tea. Give yourself permission - it’s O.K. Remember, the happier you are, the happier your family will be! 3. No regrets! No bitterness! Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Is your inner voice working overtime with all the “what ifs” and “if onlys”? This is normal for a period of time, but ask yourself…are these thoughts serving me or helping me feel better? Will thinking about them over and over again change anything? To move your life forward, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and to learn from your past experiences to prepare yourself for the next exciting chapter of your life. Yes, there is life after divorce. Learn to let it go! Just, let it go! A quote from Buddy Hackett, “I never hold a grudge because while I am being angry, the other person is out dancing.” 4. Enjoy the Little Things Life after divorce usually means added responsibilities. If you are a single parent or are now the one responsible for the once shared to-do list, how do you handle it all without being totally stressed out? To start, learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Learn to let things go and not take life so seriously. Lighten-up! Learn to live in the present moment. Living in the present is where all the “good stuff” in life happens. Yesterday’s worries are gone forever and tomorrow’s to-do list can wait. Think of it this way, when one is missing this moment in time, one is missing out on one’s life. So how do we live in the present? If you are feeling stressed, immediately leave your thoughts in your head and take off your blinders. (Blinders similar to what a horse would wear, not allowing it to see from side to side). Start to look around you. I mean really look around you. Look closely at everything. Really focus. Use all your senses! For example, if you are with your children observe them. Cherish their smiles. Give them a hug. See the true beauty of who they are and appreciate them for being a part of your life. You will start to feel your stress subside and a feeling of peace sweep over you. To be present, no matter where you are, use all your senses to pull you back into the moment. Take time to appreciate all the beauty that already exists around you. You only have to be present to see it! 5. What Makes Your Heart Sing? What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them? Why is it so important to be clear on what your life’s purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It’s your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood; Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its’ own? When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life - body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down. 6. What Are Your Vibes Saying About You? Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you have heard the expressions, “What you think about, you bring about” or “The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you.” When going through a divorce, your emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. Use this time to become reconnected to your inner awareness of who you are. Learn to sit still and quiet until you understand what emotions you are feeling. Realize that your feelings and sensations are okay, then learn to listen to what your mind and body are telling you. Here is a great tip…recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy. A few examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, or a sense of lack (lack of time or money) and high energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, love or compassion. If you are having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy? First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are having. Be gentle with yourself! Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps! Repeat step number one and become present! Be thankful for what is working in your life right now. Do something simple like pat your pet, smell a flower or, if you are in the office, take a minute to think of a previous fun time or experience you have had that could bring a smile to your face. Feel the shift you are starting to make in your energy. Now, to amp up this high energy feeling, think of another time of joy or something you were passionate about in your life. Keep adding these thoughts to your high energy feeling and begin to feel great! Does it seem the people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy? When you are feeling your high energy, this is the time to take your next inspired action and enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something with ease and less effort! 7. Be True To Yourself During and even after a divorce, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn’t I? It seems difficult to make a decision. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn’t feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily. Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to be on a committee or to volunteer for something and you say yes, even though you know it will make your schedule even tighter or you really don’t want to or have to? How do you stop this from happening? Next time you are in this situation and you are ready to say yes, yet, find yourself having doubts, try this … STOP! Take a breath or even take a step back (this action will prevent you from saying yes). Pause! Thank the person for thinking of you, but let them know you will have to check your calendar and get back to them. When you do have time to think about it, focus on how you are feeling. Are you excited to volunteer or do you feel some resistance? If in a day or two you are still feeling doubtful, realize the timing might not be right for you. If you are still excited, join the committee and have fun! Divorce is not easy or fun and you can make it through this time of your life by realizing you WILL make it! Also, honor yourself and listen to your heart! Your true purpose and passions are waiting to be rediscovered within you! When you have discovered the “gold nugget” you already are, you will start to live your life with more ease and enjoy the feeling of peace. “You are truly free!”

Minggu, 02 September 2012

Advice From A Divorce Attorney?

I believe that divorce is one of the biggest epidemics in our current society that isn't being recognized or treated as such. As a marriage and family therapist, of course divorce is something that I am passionate about because it is something that I am spending my life to fight against. I am not ignorant enough to believe that I will see all cases of divorce end during my lifetime, nor am I ignorant enough to believe that all divorce cases even should be prevented. I am, however, perhaps ignorant in my belief that it is crazy for people considering divorce to get advice from a divorce attorney. Now, most of you are thinking I'm crazy. Who would go to a divorce attorney for advice about their failing marraige? Many people, unfortunately. I had no idea until I began working with marriages and families in crisis just how many individuals and even couples were seeking refuge and advice with their divorce attorney. I was overwhelmed by my new knowledge for one primary reason. Have people considering getting a divorce forgotten that a divorce attorney is the very last person who will be concerned with them repairing a broken marriage? A divorce attorney makes a living helping married people get divorced while getting as many benefits from the divorce as possible. So why would any nearly-divorced person go to a divorce attorney in hopes of fixing their marraige? Beats me. My advice to anyone struggling in their marriage is to make an appointment to visit a professional counselor or a marriage and family therapist. The core reason why I suggest this is because in general, counselors and therapists are people who deeply want to see marriages and families restored rather than torn apart. If I am looking for someone to help me fix my car, then it is far wiser to get help from an individual who actually believes that cars can be fixed, right? Of course. The same is true with marriage. Do not go for help to someone who believes that marriages should end easily and for any reason at all. Go instead to a professional who is trained in giving you wisdom about ways to make your relationship work. A divorce attorney is great for people who are sure that divorce is the option they are choosing. If, however, you are still unsure of your options and if you are still hoping for healing in your marriage, then a divorce attorney is the last person you should see.

Sabtu, 01 September 2012

100 Questions to Ask Your Valentine

Looking to get to know your valentine date better? Running out of things to talk to your sweetie about? First date jitters and don’t know what to talk about? Well, here are 100 questions that can break the ice and get a conversation going. The most important thing is to have fun! You might be surprised by what you learn about the other person. Don’t force anyone to answer a question they don’t want to and don’t pry deeper if they are not willing to talk about a certain subject.

1. What was your best job?
2. What were your worst jobs?
3. Tell me all the places you worked
4. Tell me about your best friend
5. Tell me about your family
6. Tell me about your relatives
7. What was your first car?
8. Favorite movie star?
9. Favorite entertainer?
10. Favorite song?
11. What were your life changing moments?
12. First girlfriend/boyfriend?
13. First kiss?
14. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?
15. Have you ever been arrested?
16. Political affiliation?
17. Have you voted for someone you wished you hadn’t?
18. Have you used drugs?
19. Do you like to shop?
20. Best way to relax?
21. Favorite thing to do alone?
22. Ever had a one night stand?
23. Do you save money?
24. What hobbies to you spend money on?
25. If you found a $100 what would you do?
26. Do you want children/more children?
27. Are you a good parent?
28. What makes a good parent?
29. Are you romantic?
30. Ever loose a pet?
31. Dog or cat?
32. Pets growing up?
33. Sleep in the nude?
34. Favorite midnight snack?
35. Do you exercise?
36. Did you ever see your parents making love?
37. Peanut butter and what?
38. What is one food you will never give up?
39. What is a food you can live without?
40. Favorite drink?
41. Perfect day?
42. How many cds do you own?
43. How many dvds to you own?
44. Favorite thing to spend money on?
45. What is the weirdest thing about you?
46. What is on your bedside table?
47. Are you cheap or thrifty?
48. Ever been in love with 2 people at the same time?
49. Grades in high school?
50. Favorite teacher?
51. Relatives in jail?
52. Toppings on pizza?
53. Black or white?
54. Glass half full or half empty?
55. Ever been to a food shelf?
56. Ever milked a cow?
57. Ever tipped a cow?
58. Bath or shower?
59. Mountains or the beach?
60. Plane, train or automobile?
61. Favorite all time movie?
62. Worse movie you have ever seen?
63. Best concert you have been to?
64. Beer, wine or coffee?
65. Best vacation?
66. If you could retire tomorrow what would you do?
67. Worse vacation?
68. Three places you would love to visit?
69. Worse boss?
70. If you could do anything what would it be?
71. Super powers you wish you had?
72. Ever had a massage?
73. Ideal romantic dinner?
74. Dumbest purchase you ever made?
75. Where did you find money when you were flat broke?
76. Ever sold blood?
77. What sporting event/concert/entertainment would you buy tickets to regardless of price?
78. Ever hit a jackpot on a slot machine?
79. Ever won the lottery?
80. What would you do with your lottery winnings?
81. Are you a neat freak?
82. Can’t stand being around people who_________?
83. Crowds or small groups?
84. How old do you want to live to?
85. Loose your sight or hearing?
86. Ever had a crush on a member of the same sex?
87. Pet peeves?
88. Most annoying habit?
89. Sexiest parts of a member of the opposite sex?
90. Major turn offs?
91. Tattoos?
93. Piercings?
94. Plastic surgery--would you/have you?
95. Computer geek?
96. Trekee?
97. Play an instrument?
98. Been in a band?
99. Most embarrassing moment?
100. Nude beach yes or no