After Divorce: Seven Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person’s life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living “out of the habit” of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years. Eventually, you begin to think about dating, but it is suggested that you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. If you have worked outside the home combined with being a mom and wife for the last ten, fifteen or twenty years, you may have lost yourself along the way. Certainly not on purpose, but as most women try to do it all as “super” moms, many times we put our own wants and needs on hold to keep our families and jobs running smoothly! Take a deep breath and let’s start to rediscover our true passions and say…Will the Real Me Please Stand Up! 1. Treasure Your Gifts Within Realizing we are all born as “gold nuggets” is a hard concept for many women to believe about themselves. Think about how magnificent you really are! Over time, you might have forgotten your unique gifts and are only thinking of what you don’t like about yourself or your life. Set a new intention, starting today, to list all of your great qualities and read that list everyday. Keep reading it until you believe it. Examples: beautiful smile, kindness, generosity, loving, caring, intelligent… keep going. Your list is endless, when you start focusing on your great qualities. Allow yourself to see the shining gold within. It’s already there! 2. Give Yourself A Break During and after a divorce it is common to have the feeling of grieving, similar to that of the loss of someone. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. Barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work a few minutes early so you can stop to sit on a park bench long enough to get that sense of the unique and special YOU. Take this time to experience life even for only 10 minutes without feeling like a wife, mother, sister or daughter… simply you! Yes, you do deserve to do something special for yourself. It can be as simple as taking a bath or a walk, going to the mall or reading a book with your favorite cup of tea. Give yourself permission - it’s O.K. Remember, the happier you are, the happier your family will be! 3. No regrets! No bitterness! Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Is your inner voice working overtime with all the “what ifs” and “if onlys”? This is normal for a period of time, but ask yourself…are these thoughts serving me or helping me feel better? Will thinking about them over and over again change anything? To move your life forward, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and to learn from your past experiences to prepare yourself for the next exciting chapter of your life. Yes, there is life after divorce. Learn to let it go! Just, let it go! A quote from Buddy Hackett, “I never hold a grudge because while I am being angry, the other person is out dancing.” 4. Enjoy the Little Things Life after divorce usually means added responsibilities. If you are a single parent or are now the one responsible for the once shared to-do list, how do you handle it all without being totally stressed out? To start, learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Learn to let things go and not take life so seriously. Lighten-up! Learn to live in the present moment. Living in the present is where all the “good stuff” in life happens. Yesterday’s worries are gone forever and tomorrow’s to-do list can wait. Think of it this way, when one is missing this moment in time, one is missing out on one’s life. So how do we live in the present? If you are feeling stressed, immediately leave your thoughts in your head and take off your blinders. (Blinders similar to what a horse would wear, not allowing it to see from side to side). Start to look around you. I mean really look around you. Look closely at everything. Really focus. Use all your senses! For example, if you are with your children observe them. Cherish their smiles. Give them a hug. See the true beauty of who they are and appreciate them for being a part of your life. You will start to feel your stress subside and a feeling of peace sweep over you. To be present, no matter where you are, use all your senses to pull you back into the moment. Take time to appreciate all the beauty that already exists around you. You only have to be present to see it! 5. What Makes Your Heart Sing? What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them? Why is it so important to be clear on what your life’s purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It’s your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood; Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its’ own? When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life - body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down. 6. What Are Your Vibes Saying About You? Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you have heard the expressions, “What you think about, you bring about” or “The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you.” When going through a divorce, your emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. Use this time to become reconnected to your inner awareness of who you are. Learn to sit still and quiet until you understand what emotions you are feeling. Realize that your feelings and sensations are okay, then learn to listen to what your mind and body are telling you. Here is a great tip…recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy. A few examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, or a sense of lack (lack of time or money) and high energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, love or compassion. If you are having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy? First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are having. Be gentle with yourself! Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps! Repeat step number one and become present! Be thankful for what is working in your life right now. Do something simple like pat your pet, smell a flower or, if you are in the office, take a minute to think of a previous fun time or experience you have had that could bring a smile to your face. Feel the shift you are starting to make in your energy. Now, to amp up this high energy feeling, think of another time of joy or something you were passionate about in your life. Keep adding these thoughts to your high energy feeling and begin to feel great! Does it seem the people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy? When you are feeling your high energy, this is the time to take your next inspired action and enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something with ease and less effort! 7. Be True To Yourself During and even after a divorce, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn’t I? It seems difficult to make a decision. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn’t feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily. Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to be on a committee or to volunteer for something and you say yes, even though you know it will make your schedule even tighter or you really don’t want to or have to? How do you stop this from happening? Next time you are in this situation and you are ready to say yes, yet, find yourself having doubts, try this … STOP! Take a breath or even take a step back (this action will prevent you from saying yes). Pause! Thank the person for thinking of you, but let them know you will have to check your calendar and get back to them. When you do have time to think about it, focus on how you are feeling. Are you excited to volunteer or do you feel some resistance? If in a day or two you are still feeling doubtful, realize the timing might not be right for you. If you are still excited, join the committee and have fun! Divorce is not easy or fun and you can make it through this time of your life by realizing you WILL make it! Also, honor yourself and listen to your heart! Your true purpose and passions are waiting to be rediscovered within you! When you have discovered the “gold nugget” you already are, you will start to live your life with more ease and enjoy the feeling of peace. “You are truly free!”

100 Questions to Ask Your Valentine

Looking to get to know your valentine date better? Running out of things to talk to your sweetie about? First date jitters and don’t know what to talk about? Well, here are 100 questions that can break the ice and get a conversation going. The most important thing is to have fun! You might be surprised by what you learn about the other person. Don’t force anyone to answer a question they don’t want to and don’t pry deeper if they are not willing to talk about a certain subject.

1. What was your best job?
2. What were your worst jobs?
3. Tell me all the places you worked
4. Tell me about your best friend
5. Tell me about your family
6. Tell me about your relatives
7. What was your first car?
8. Favorite movie star?
9. Favorite entertainer?
10. Favorite song?
11. What were your life changing moments?
12. First girlfriend/boyfriend?
13. First kiss?
14. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?
15. Have you ever been arrested?
16. Political affiliation?
17. Have you voted for someone you wished you hadn’t?
18. Have you used drugs?
19. Do you like to shop?
20. Best way to relax?
21. Favorite thing to do alone?
22. Ever had a one night stand?
23. Do you save money?
24. What hobbies to you spend money on?
25. If you found a $100 what would you do?
26. Do you want children/more children?
27. Are you a good parent?
28. What makes a good parent?
29. Are you romantic?
30. Ever loose a pet?
31. Dog or cat?
32. Pets growing up?
33. Sleep in the nude?
34. Favorite midnight snack?
35. Do you exercise?
36. Did you ever see your parents making love?
37. Peanut butter and what?
38. What is one food you will never give up?
39. What is a food you can live without?
40. Favorite drink?
41. Perfect day?
42. How many cds do you own?
43. How many dvds to you own?
44. Favorite thing to spend money on?
45. What is the weirdest thing about you?
46. What is on your bedside table?
47. Are you cheap or thrifty?
48. Ever been in love with 2 people at the same time?
49. Grades in high school?
50. Favorite teacher?
51. Relatives in jail?
52. Toppings on pizza?
53. Black or white?
54. Glass half full or half empty?
55. Ever been to a food shelf?
56. Ever milked a cow?
57. Ever tipped a cow?
58. Bath or shower?
59. Mountains or the beach?
60. Plane, train or automobile?
61. Favorite all time movie?
62. Worse movie you have ever seen?
63. Best concert you have been to?
64. Beer, wine or coffee?
65. Best vacation?
66. If you could retire tomorrow what would you do?
67. Worse vacation?
68. Three places you would love to visit?
69. Worse boss?
70. If you could do anything what would it be?
71. Super powers you wish you had?
72. Ever had a massage?
73. Ideal romantic dinner?
74. Dumbest purchase you ever made?
75. Where did you find money when you were flat broke?
76. Ever sold blood?
77. What sporting event/concert/entertainment would you buy tickets to regardless of price?
78. Ever hit a jackpot on a slot machine?
79. Ever won the lottery?
80. What would you do with your lottery winnings?
81. Are you a neat freak?
82. Can’t stand being around people who_________?
83. Crowds or small groups?
84. How old do you want to live to?
85. Loose your sight or hearing?
86. Ever had a crush on a member of the same sex?
87. Pet peeves?
88. Most annoying habit?
89. Sexiest parts of a member of the opposite sex?
90. Major turn offs?
91. Tattoos?
93. Piercings?
94. Plastic surgery--would you/have you?
95. Computer geek?
96. Trekee?
97. Play an instrument?
98. Been in a band?
99. Most embarrassing moment?
100. Nude beach yes or no

17 Tips to Write a Killer Personal Ad

Online dating websites offer the easier and
quicker way for single guys to meet women. The
use of online personal ads to get the audience
you desire is quite different that picking up a
girl in the real life situations. When you meet
her at a bar, party or disco it might be
difficult for you to approach her, you may feel
embarrassed, but with online dating, it is easier
and less stressful.

Therefore, you have made up your mind to put a
personal ad, but you are getting none or few
responses to your request and no girl is
approaching you. Remember that you have to
attract women with your online ad. These days
very sophisticated personal ads are appearing in
top quality dating sites.

In today's world of online dating personal ads,
have to be witty, informative, and hopefully
effective. If you want to get the best personal
ad, you must to present the right image, get
people to interact you by being friendly and
chatting every day. You should try in every
single way possible to prove and show that you
are as you have said, including your own
personality and characteristics. Writing a
personal ad is like writing a love letter, a poem
dedicated to your future partner.

For to increase your success in online dating you
have to make your personal ad to be the best.
Here are some tips that might help you.

- first and the most important is that you must
complete your personal profile fully, to be
informative, complete, to make the woman
interested

- run spell-check - a profile full of mistakes
shows that you are a sloppy, careless type

- add a photograph; ensure that the photo is
bright, clear and recent; a perfect picture with
the right clothing and a smiled face will have a
big effect recording to the visitors of your
personal ad; many people don't add a profile
photo because they think that they aren't
photogenic; but this is a wrong idea because the
profiles that haven't a photo is much less viewed
like the other

- be yourself, be sincere and say what you like
and looking for; be honest, if you are looking
just for a casual date because you already have a
wife, say it, don't imply that you are looking
for marriage just to get more details, because
this is a waste of time for everyone

- avoid major disclosures - you don't have to
tell everything about yourself in the first
paragraph, this will not be interesting anymore

- splatter your profile with humor, drama, funky
metaphors, they will draw instant attention and
interested

- don't be aggressive or rude in your personal ad,
because this will show that you are not friendly
and open for new friends

- communicate - it is important to communicate if
you want to make friends and to know better the
possible partners

- keep your profile positive and update, so don't
use words like ''desperate'' , hurry to meet
someone

- don't use swear words because are generally
offensive and turn people off

- list all the things you like can be a handful;
choose one good example and talk about why you
like it

- don't make list of your accomplishments; avoid
using personals adjectives like: I'm a
spontaneous, creative, honest person

- you can include the things that make up your
good points like the fact that you like kids, or
you are told that you are funny

- ask questions to them to answer via email

- also try to response at people messages in a
reasonable amount of time, not after a month

- be positive , show that you love life and know
how to live it

- be patient; it is true that it takes a time
until you meet somebody and get to know her
better, but it works

Also in your personal ad, you can include some
action phrases, which will express your
personality and characteristics. Some of this
action phrases are:

- long term relationship - shows the fact that
you have the sense of commitment, you are ready
for a long relationship

- great personality - express the fact that you
have a truly magnificent personality and it's
worth meeting you

- no baggage - means that you are completely
free of attachments such as a spouse or child

- active and adventurous - means that you are in
a really good shape, physically fit

- ask me anything - shows that you are honest,
adventurous and open to sharing details about
yourself

Now that you know how to make your personal ad to
be the best, I wish you good luck in finding the
perfect partner.

13 Types of Girls you should Avoid

In general, men are looking first for physical attraction at a woman. Many of them consider that if she is beautiful and well dressed, its the perfect partner they are looking for. But they don't know that behind this appearance its hiding something worst.

Maybe this happened to you too. After you began a relationship with her you found out that she is not exactly what you want and what you expect. She hurt you and dumped you when you last expected. Many men are chasing after a woman who lied them and used them. But, in order to stop this, you should know from the beginning which types of girls you should avoid for to not be hurt again.


Desperate girl

-it is the type of the girl who spend all her life laid out, looking for a perfect life, and suddenly she discover that she gets old and she doesn't get married yet because she hasn't met the perfect man for her

-she wants desperately to get married no matter who the guy is or what he does

-she is pressed by the time and is ready to marry with a jerk as long as he has marriage material

-watch out because if you marry one of this, you have to spend the rest of your life with her


Materialistic girl

-usually is good looking and well dressed

-is looking very well outside but inside it is a bunch of money hungry taker

-she is looking all the time after boys which are staying very well with their wallet

-she expects that a man should finance her entire life just because she is biologically female

-she is very friendly, nice at the beginning but after some time you'll see that no matter how much you give her, she wants more

-she is greed personified

-she is interested only in what she wants and not others feelings

-stay away from this kind of girl because she will dumped you after she spend all your money


Angry girl

-she is the type of the girl which sees life like a battle

-anything what is happening or is told to her is seen as a insult at her address

-has also a bad opinion about man, sees only the wrong sides of a man

-she is always upset and angry

-usually she likes to take out of context everything what is said to her and to interpret the words like she wants

-you don't have any future with her, she has a simmering anger at men which can explode at any moment


Insecure girl

-she is very nice and treats men very well

-but she suffers by frustration

-is wracked by anxiety about making the wrong decision

-she has to think twice about what to do, what to wear, where to go, what to eat

-she needs constant reassurance that she's attractive and worries incessantly


Stupid girl

-this type of girl likes to speak a lot but she doesn't say nothing smart

-she likes to say always gossips about the others, but when you want to talk something important with her, she is not able to make conversation


Uptown girl

-she is very rich

-everything she has is better than yours and she wants to make sure that you know it

-she only dates the best of best

-is entirely focused on herself

-she is very selfish, self-indulgent grown up as '' daddy's little girl''

-needs to be constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes


Childish girl

-everything in life hurts this kind of girl

-is the type of girl who cries a lot, every innocent comment or criticism will upset her

-avoid this kind of girl because if you are dating one you will have to spend all the time apologizing even if you didn't make any mistake

-avoid also long term relationship with her because she is capable of suicide if you want to leave her and all the blame will be thrown on yourself


Elusive girl

-is the type of girl who is afraid to start a relationship

-she might be hurt in a past relationship and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present

-she look interested at the beginning but after a while she runs away

-is the type of girl who likes to send mixed messages so you'll never understand her


Talking girl

-it is a big difference between somebody who is able to make good conversation and have sense of humor , and somebody who always have to make a comment about everything

-it is the type which is very hard to please and always has to say something about everything is happening or speaking around her


Romantic girl

-this lives in her own world, of movies and romance novels

-she is very dreamy, imagining things, expecting Prince Charming to come after her

-she doesn't know how the real world is

-she was grown with the idea that she is a princess


Dragger girl

-this kind of girl will always make you feel bad even there is no reason to feel that

-it is always worrying and she can never be happy, everything around her is a total drag

-even if a wonderful thing happen to you, she will make you feel like it was the worst thing that could happen ever


Controlling girl

-she likes to have the total control in your relationship and on you too

-wants to control you in everything you do, you wear or eat

-if you try to control her too, she will get angry, cry, scream or use any deceptive female tactic until you give up


Flirting girl

-she flirts with anybody and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity

-has a big power of attraction

-exist the risk to dump you in any moment if somebody better comes along


With all these types of girls you should avoid, it is now more easy for you to make a good choice about your next girlfriend; but remember that not all the women are the same, maybe there is somewhere a good, carrying woman just for you.

13 Types of Girls you should Avoid

In general, men are looking first for physical attraction at a woman. Many of them consider that if she is beautiful and well dressed, its the perfect partner they are looking for. But they don't know that behind this appearance its hiding something worst.

Maybe this happened to you too. After you began a relationship with her you found out that she is not exactly what you want and what you expect. She hurt you and dumped you when you last expected. Many men are chasing after a woman who lied them and used them. But, in order to stop this, you should know from the beginning which types of girls you should avoid for to not be hurt again.


Desperate girl

-it is the type of the girl who spend all her life laid out, looking for a perfect life, and suddenly she discover that she gets old and she doesn't get married yet because she hasn't met the perfect man for her

-she wants desperately to get married no matter who the guy is or what he does

-she is pressed by the time and is ready to marry with a jerk as long as he has marriage material

-watch out because if you marry one of this, you have to spend the rest of your life with her


Materialistic girl

-usually is good looking and well dressed

-is looking very well outside but inside it is a bunch of money hungry taker

-she is looking all the time after boys which are staying very well with their wallet

-she expects that a man should finance her entire life just because she is biologically female

-she is very friendly, nice at the beginning but after some time you'll see that no matter how much you give her, she wants more

-she is greed personified

-she is interested only in what she wants and not others feelings

-stay away from this kind of girl because she will dumped you after she spend all your money


Angry girl

-she is the type of the girl which sees life like a battle

-anything what is happening or is told to her is seen as a insult at her address

-has also a bad opinion about man, sees only the wrong sides of a man

-she is always upset and angry

-usually she likes to take out of context everything what is said to her and to interpret the words like she wants

-you don't have any future with her, she has a simmering anger at men which can explode at any moment


Insecure girl

-she is very nice and treats men very well

-but she suffers by frustration

-is wracked by anxiety about making the wrong decision

-she has to think twice about what to do, what to wear, where to go, what to eat

-she needs constant reassurance that she's attractive and worries incessantly


Stupid girl

-this type of girl likes to speak a lot but she doesn't say nothing smart

-she likes to say always gossips about the others, but when you want to talk something important with her, she is not able to make conversation


Uptown girl

-she is very rich

-everything she has is better than yours and she wants to make sure that you know it

-she only dates the best of best

-is entirely focused on herself

-she is very selfish, self-indulgent grown up as '' daddy's little girl''

-needs to be constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes


Childish girl

-everything in life hurts this kind of girl

-is the type of girl who cries a lot, every innocent comment or criticism will upset her

-avoid this kind of girl because if you are dating one you will have to spend all the time apologizing even if you didn't make any mistake

-avoid also long term relationship with her because she is capable of suicide if you want to leave her and all the blame will be thrown on yourself


Elusive girl

-is the type of girl who is afraid to start a relationship

-she might be hurt in a past relationship and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present

-she look interested at the beginning but after a while she runs away

-is the type of girl who likes to send mixed messages so you'll never understand her


Talking girl

-it is a big difference between somebody who is able to make good conversation and have sense of humor , and somebody who always have to make a comment about everything

-it is the type which is very hard to please and always has to say something about everything is happening or speaking around her


Romantic girl

-this lives in her own world, of movies and romance novels

-she is very dreamy, imagining things, expecting Prince Charming to come after her

-she doesn't know how the real world is

-she was grown with the idea that she is a princess


Dragger girl

-this kind of girl will always make you feel bad even there is no reason to feel that

-it is always worrying and she can never be happy, everything around her is a total drag

-even if a wonderful thing happen to you, she will make you feel like it was the worst thing that could happen ever


Controlling girl

-she likes to have the total control in your relationship and on you too

-wants to control you in everything you do, you wear or eat

-if you try to control her too, she will get angry, cry, scream or use any deceptive female tactic until you give up


Flirting girl

-she flirts with anybody and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity

-has a big power of attraction

-exist the risk to dump you in any moment if somebody better comes along


With all these types of girls you should avoid, it is now more easy for you to make a good choice about your next girlfriend; but remember that not all the women are the same, maybe there is somewhere a good, carrying woman just for you.

12 Dating Traps and Solutions

Copyright 2006 David Steele

In my work as a Marriage and Family Therapist most of my practice has been working with couples, because after experiencing divorce growing up as a child, and again after a ten year first marriage, I decided that my mission is to help people have successful marriages and families, and I thought the best way to do that would be as a marriage counselor. However, what I discovered over the years is that people generally make appointments with me when it's almost too late; they're on the verge of divorce or it might be a last resort, after there's been a lot of irreversible damage done.

How relationships work and how to have a successful Life Partnership have always been fascinating mysteries to me. One thing's for certain; times have changed and what used to work doesn't work anymore. The biggest change in the past 30 years impacting relationships that I can see is that we have developed a need to be "happy". This is a dramatic shift from our parents and grandparents who were quite satisfied surviving and achieving some measure of comfort and security. The need for happiness sounds very simple and innocent, but it's the primary reason for failed relationships today, and the high divorce rate, single parent families, mental and physical health problems, juvenile delinquency, welfare, and so on.

While we seek to be happy in relationships, we don't seem to know how. As a result I have seen many people make relationship choices and fall into traps that prevented them from getting what they want in their life, resulting in unhappiness and relationship failure. A trap is basically an unsolvable problem that results in unhappiness in a relationship. Getting out of the trap often means leaving the relationship.

When you're single you can do a lot more than you realize to avoid these traps and prepare for a successful and lasting relationship, as you'll see in this article.

1. Marketing Trap

Believing you need to make yourself more appealing to attract a partner and "selling" yourself with attractive packaging and presentation. High risk of disappointment and relationship failure as people discover that the excitement and promise of the "sizzle" conflicts with the reality of the "steak".

Solution: Authenticity. You will attract compatible people when you show them who you really are. At the risk of mixing metaphors, "Birds of a feather flock together", so don't try to look like a prize-winning chicken when you are your own breed of duck!

2. Scarcity Trap

Believing there is a limited supply of possible partners, so you have to take what you can get or be alone. Results in relationship failure when you settle for less and compromise your Requirements. A self-fulfilling prophecy when you get less because you expect less.

Solution: Define your first choice of what you really want and persevere. Trust that if you apply yourself you can get what you really want in your life. You must be able to say "No" to what you DON'T want, to be available to say "Yes" to what you DO want. You have the power to choose who, what , where, when, and how, and can get what you really want if you make effective choices aligned with your Vision and Requirements.

3. Compatibility Trap

Assuming that if you have fun together and get along well, you are compatible and a committed relationship will work. Results in relationship failure when discovering the vast difference between a fun-focused, recreational " dating" relationship, and a serious long-term committed relationship. Being so different, the process and criteria for choosing a recreational relationship needs to be very different from choosing a Life Partner.

Solution: When you are ready for a Life Partnership, define your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. Do not try to convert a recreational relationshipinto a committed one, unless 100% of your Requirements are met.

4. Fairytale Trap

Passively expecting your ideal partner to magically appear and live happily ever after without effort on your part. Believing that finding your soul mate will just "happen". Results in disappointment when the frogs that happen to jump into your life don't become princes.

Solution: Take personal responsibility for your relationship choices and outcomes. Have effective scouting, sorting, and screening strategies. Initiate contact and be the "Chooser", don't simply react to people that choose you.

5. Date-To-Mate Trap

Becoming an "instant couple" as if giving each person you date an extended test drive. Believing that if you develop an exclusive relationship with someone you are dating, a successful committed relationship will eventually happen. Other terms for this are "Serial Monogamy" and the "Mini-Marriage.. This approach is a costly use of time and emotional energy. The inertia in this trap is pressure to make the relationship work, attempt to solve unsolvable problems, and fit the round peg in the square hole because breaking up and being single again is an undesired outcome.

Solution: Date a variety of people and have fun without being exclusive. When you are ready for a committed relationship define your Requirements and use them as tools to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. Make a careful relationship choice and consciously use a "pre-commitment" period to determine if this is the right relationship for you.

6. Attraction Trap

Making relationship choices based on feelings of attraction. Interpreting a strong attraction to someone as a sign that the relationship is a good choice and "meant to be". This approach results in relationship failure when unsolvable problems surface because you ignored the red flags while infatuated. Unconscious choices usually result in repeating unproductive past patterns.

Solution: Balance your attractions by defining your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners. "Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come ninety percent of your happiness or misery.(H. Jackson Brown, Jr. from "Life's Little Instruction Book").

7. Love Trap

Interpreting infatuation, attraction, need, good sex, and/or attachment as Love. "If it feels good, it must be Love." "Love is all you need." "Love conquers all." Results in relationship failure when you discover that love is not enough to meet your requirements and needs.

Solution: Make conscious relationship choices by defining your Requirements and use them to scout, sort, and screen potential partners.

8. Rescue Trap

Hoping a relationship will solve your emotional and financial difficulties and bring you happiness and fulfillment, something like winning the lottery. You avoid taking responsibility for your life challenges, expecting to be rescued from them. Results in desperation, neediness, and relationship failure when problems multiply instead of disappear.

Solution: Define your Vision for your life and relationship and "Live your Vision" as a successful single person. Resolve emotional, financial, and other problems prior to seeking a lasting committed relationship. Seek to be in a position of "choice" and "want" rather than "need".

9. Co-Dependent Trap

Expecting someone to love you and give you what you want by giving them what they want. Attempting to earn love and happiness by acquiescing, giving and helping. Needing to be needed often results in unconsciously attracting and choosing a relationship with a person that needs you, but you later discover is unable to give you what you want.

Solution: Define your Vision and Requirements and choose a closely aligned partner. Learn to be assertive, identify and ask for what you want and need, identify and assert boundaries, and develop the ability to say "No". Be the "Chooser" and cautious of people that choose you!

10. Entitlement Trap

Believing you deserve to be happy and get what you want in your life without effort or changes on your part. Results in relationship failure as you rely on your partner to bring happiness and fulfillment and inevitably experience disappointment. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got."

Solution: Take personal responsibility for your life and relationship. Define your Vision and Life Purpose and live them when single.

11. Virtual Reality Trap

Believing that "what you see is what you get." Making hasty long-term relationship decisions based on short-term impressions and inferences instead of actual experience and knowledge. Results in seeing what you want to see and relationship failure when later reality doesn't match.

Solution: Assume "you don't know what you don't know" and stay in a "pre-commitment" stage until you have solid experience and knowledge that this is the right relationship for you.

12. Lone Ranger Trap

Believing that you don't need anyone's help in finding your Life Partner. You evaluate people you meet for their relationship potential and do not take the opportunity to cultivate new friends. Results in isolation, perception of scarcity of potential partners, and risk of settling for less than what you really want because you don't want to be alone.

Solution: Develop a support network/community of friends of both genders and be supportable by enrolling them to scout for you.

10 Tips for a Successful First Date

Here's some tips for going on a first date to help you make sure that you're taking your relationship where you want it to go.

1. Take her somewhere that you go often. You'll give yourself a lot of credibility and value if you take her to place where everyone knows you. Stop and chat with the staff there. Learn their names and make sure they know yours. It only says good things about you. If you don't have a place like this yet, make one.

2. Take her to an interesting restaurant. It's a lot more fun to go eat sushi or some type of authentic ethnic food than just going to a more common restaurant. You don't want it too be so interesting that there's always something crazy going on and you can't talk to her. Just make sure it is a little different.

3. Relax. The more you relax and show that you're comfortable, the more your date will relax. If you feel like you're getting nervous or tense, just take a deep breath, relax your shoulder muscles and smile. Just focus on having a good time.

4. Get rid of your expectations. So many guys that I meet wrap expectations around everything they do. They think, "buying dinner = she's going to be my girlfriend or wife." If you just spend the time that you're together having a good time, acting like you would around someone you already know well and show that you couldn't care less if anything happens between the two of you, you'll have a much better chance of progressing things than if you act like she's the first girl you've seen in twenty years, acting really nervous and so dumb that she runs away.

5. Don't talk about normal boring topics or "guy topics". If you want to be like every other boring guy out there, talk about what job she has, where she has gone to or goes to college. Only talk about guy topics like sports, lifting weights or something like that if SHE is already very interested in them. Also, don't cling to a topic like it's the only thing you can talk about. If a conversation dies, let it go.

6. Have a story or two that you can tell if you run out of things to say. One of the best ways to keep a conversation going is to have a few stories that you can tell at any time. When the conversation stops, just say, "Anyway," and go into a story. The story doesn't have to be something too amazing, just a little bit different.

Tell a story about a date that you went on where your date did something embarrassing or funny. Women love to talk about relationships and I've found that they are the easiest to come up with. If you're having problems, just grab a girly magazine and read it for 15 minutes. You should find more than enough things to talk about in there.

7. Know a little bit about a lot of things. You can ask me about almost anything and I probably know enough about it to talk for at least 5 minutes. The more you know about, the easier it will be to hold conversations on just about any topic.

8. If your date wants to talk, listen to her. People like to talk and get the feeling that what they have to say is important. This doesn't mean that you should ask her endless questions trying to get her to talk. If she's not talking, feel free to. But, don't interrupt her if she is.

9. Don't try to impress your date. One of the worst things a guy can do is talk about how much money he has, what kind of a car he drives or anything else that comes across as trying hard to impress. If you do have a cool house or car, let her find out when she sees it. And if she isn't impressed by it, don't be surprised. You're much better off by just being a relaxed, fun, cool guy than you are trying to impress her.

10. Have a plan. You should have your date planned in advance. And although you should have it planned, you should also be flexible. If something comes up that could be a lot of fun, don't be so rigid that you can't change plans. Your plan should be more of a guideline so that you always have something to do.

10 Simple Rules for Online Dating Success

In theory, online dating is the ideal way to meet your 'perfect match', yet a surprisingly small percentage of members are actually successful in finding what they seek online. There are, however, some simple guidelines, which if implemented, will greatly increase your chances of success in the online dating arena.

1. Firstly, it is important that you choose the ideal dating website to suit your particular interest. There are now many niche areas in online dating, for example sugardaddyhaven.com or sports-dating.com and you should use the search engines to find a selection of dating websites where you consider you are most likely to find your ideal date.

2. Once you have located websites in the niche area of online dating that suit you most, always visit a handful of them and look for the administrator contact link. Send an email to the admin of each website, asking how many full paying members they have in their database. A well administered dating website should reply to your email within a couple of hours. Admin is all important, and will be 24/7 on a quality dating site.

3. Never join a free dating website if you are serious about finding a mate. 'Free For All' sites are often littered with incomplete profiles, and not taken seriously by their membership. A free trial period is good, but before making your choice of website to join, check out the member facilities. Do they have a chat room, video chat, a forum, instant messenger etc? Be wary of dating sites that do not allow you to search members before joining.

4. One last thing before you decide on your ideal dating site. Many dating sites are being infiltrated by scammers often from Africa, Ghana, Nigeria or Singapore. The IP addresses from these areas can be blocked by dating sites to save genuine members from being hassled. A good dating site will use these blocking tactics, and it's worth asking the question.

5. Once you make your choice and register with a dating website, you need to create a profile. Keep to the truth, but make yourself come across as interesting as possible, and be reasonably accurate in describing the type of partner you seek. Including a photograph will certainly increase your chances of being noticed.

6. When sending emails to other members, always be polite and courteous, especially in the first contact email. First impressions are very important. Always reply to every email you receive from other members, even if it's only to inform them that you are not interested.

7. Never give out your bank account or social security details to anyone. Do not be fooled by requests for money from people you just met no matter how convincing their story is or how beautiful or handsome their photos appear. Be aware that the photos are almost certainly not really them at all but merely photos of models copied from the Internet. The moment you are asked for money, cease all conversations with that member and report the scam to the administrators.

8. Once you open up contact with a member who you think may interest you, take your time in getting to know them well. You now have the opportunity to exchange relevant details about each other, and exchange photographs. However, in the early communications, don't believe all you are told. Trust will come in time.

9. Photographs often display the date on which they were taken, but be aware that some members will use old photographs in an effort to make themselves appear younger than they actually are. If your dating site has video cam facilities, you can get to see each other in real time which is useful in determining your prospective mate's current appearance.

10. If you do decide to meet another member for real, always suggest meeting in a busy area, and keep the first meeting short. Chemistry is something you just cannot measure through the Internet. It wouldn't be much fun spending a weekend with someone who you shared no chemistry with.

So these are just a few simple but important guidelines which hopefully will make your online dating experience a pleasant one. Remember that they are only guidelines and not rules. Everyone is different and you will need to explore together in order to discover the higher ground..

Trevor Taylor

10 Golden Rules For Successful Online Dating

As everyone knows, the favourite method of mating and dating for singletons the world over is to join an online dating site. But what most people don't realise is that only around 10% of dating site members actually meet a long-term partner on their chosen site and a whopping 70% don't even receive one message from another member. If you follow the 10 simple steps outlined below, you too can join the 10% who find love and romance on line.

1. Choose the right site. The boom in online dating has provided a plethora of choice for consumers but you should take a few moments to decide on the type of partner you're looking for, not to mention the town or city where you would prefer him/her to be located. There are niche sites which cater to all sectors (single parents, bikers, gay people etc) and general sites which welcome all comers just as there are city or country specific sites and sites with a global perspective. Choosing the right site for you is probably the most important decision you'll make when looking for a partner on line.

2. Choose a great username. First impressions always last and the on line identity which you give yourself is the first thing that other members will see before they check-out your profile. 'Funny' works, 'cryptic' works and you wont go far wrong even if you decide to use your own christian name; but if you go down the smutty or sexually suggestive route (which a lot of guys seem to do), you'll find that other members will give you a wide berth.

3. Upload a photo. This is crucial as a significant percentage of people only search for members who have bothered to include a pic; you want to see what other members look like so it stands to reason that other people will feel the same way about you. If the only photo you have isn't particularly flattering, you can always mention that in your profile - it's still better than no photo at all.

4. Complete your profile. There's nothing more off-putting than a profile which screams "I can't be bothered to do this properly". If you don't have time to complete all the categories when you are signing-up, then make the time to do so at the earliest opportunity.

5. Be upbeat and positive. If you're feeling a little down or lacking in confidence, now isn't the time to say so when you're writing a description of yourself. If you come across as confident, happy and full of fun, you'll get much more attention than if you come across as mono-syllabic or down in the dumps. And remember, humour is a real ice-breaker and a great aphrodisiac.

6. Widen your search criteria. If you generally go for people who have blonde hair, blue eyes and are between 5'4" and 5'6" and you narrow your search down to just these specifics, then you may be missing out on a great many other members who you'll also find just as attractive. To start with, just search by gender, age and location and that way you'll be giving yourself the widest possible choice.

7. Don't automatically dismiss people. If you receive a message from someone who's profile you like but who hasn't bothered to include a photo, you should still write back and ask them to send a pic to your regular email address. You'll find that many people are more willing to do this than post a pic for all and sundry to look at.

8. Use all the features on offer. Many sites provide a great deal more than just an internal emailing system. Some sites might include voice messaging whilst others enable members to chat and flirt in 'real time' with other members and the more you take advantage of everything that's available to you, the more chance you have of making contact with someone special.

9. Be proactive. Once you've registered and completed your profile, don't wait for others to make contact with you. When you spot someone who you think might be a good fit with yourself, write to them and introduce yourself. And don't just say 'Hi, I like your profile', tell them why you've written to them and point out the things that you believe you have in common. A long opening message will create a much better impression than a short, perfunctory one.

10. Check back with the site. Most popular dating sites have new people joining all the time so remember to log-in at least once every day to view the most recent members and you can then contact anyone you like the look of before others get the chance to do so. Also, you should remember that on most sites, the members who log-in the most appear higher up the search listings than those who don't so your profile will be easier to spot by people with whom you might be compatible.

So there you have it - successful online dating is not rocket science; it just takes a bit of thought and a bit of effort and if you adhere to the 10 rules that I have outlined above, then your personal life will soon receive the kick-start it deserves.

10 Dating Safety Tips For Online And Off

Still looking for a special someone? Just be sure to keep yourself safe. Here are ten ways to find love for your heart but keep your personal protection on your mind.

1. Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin by communicating solely by email, then look for odd behavior or inconsistencies. The person at the other end may not be who or what he says he is. Trust your instincts. If anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your safety and protection.

2. Make sure all contact on a member site takes place through a double-blind system, ensuring your true identity is protected until you decide to reveal it. Never include your last name, home address, phone number, place of employment, email address or any other identifying information in your profile or initial messages. When corresponding with someone, turn off your email signature file. Stop communicating with anyone who puts pressure on you for personal information or attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it.

3. Cautious decisions will result in a better dating experience. Be sure to protect yourself against trusting the untrustworthy; potential boyfriends must earn your trust gradually over time, through consistently honorable, straightforward behavior. Take all the time you need to investigate for a straightforward person and pay careful attention along the way. If you suspect someone is lying, he probably is, so act accordingly. Be responsible about romance, your heart will thank you. Don’t become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online. If you mutually decide to cross the point of no return, be smart and protect yourself. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (http://www.cdc.gov/ ) provide some of the most current information available about sexually transmitted diseases and preserving your health.

4. Most online dating services do not require members to submit to background checks. So make sure you get as much info as possible by asking questions, utilizing internet search engines and most importantly, using common sense. Nothing is 100% reliable, just remember to use your head…not just your heart.

5. A photo will give you a good idea of the person’s appearance, which may prove helpful in achieving a gut feeling. In fact, it’s best to view several images of someone in various settings: casual, formal, indoor and outdoors. If all you hear are excuses about why you can’t see a photo, consider that he has something to hide.

6. A phone call can reveal much about a person’s communication and social skills. Consider your security and do not reveal your phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone number instead or use local telephone blocking techniques to prevent your phone number from appearing on a Caller ID. Give out your phone number ONLY when you feel completely comfortable.

7. The beauty of meeting someone online is that you can collect information gradually, later choosing whether to pursue the relationship in the offline world. You never are obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level on online intimacy. And even if you decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It’s possible that your decision to keep the relationship anonymous is based on a hunch that you can’t logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with your instincts

8. Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts to pressure or control you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags. You should be concerned if your date exhibits any of the following behavior without providing an acceptable explanation: Provides inconsistent information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc. Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online intimacy. Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions. Appears significantly different in person from his or her online persona. Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or family members.

9. When you choose to meet offline, always tell friends where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with a friend. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a time with many people around (a familiar restaurant or coffee house is often a good choice), and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could weaken your ability to make good decisions. If at some point you and your date decide to move to another location, take your own car. When the timing is right thank your date for getting together and say goodbye

10. If you plan to fly in from another city, arrange for your own car and hotel room. Do not make known the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make arrangements for you. Get a rental car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Always call your date from the hotel. You can also check out the location you both agreed to meet at ahead of time to see exactly where it is and to get more familiar with an area . If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a message on an answering machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans and has your contact information. And carry a cell phone at all times.

Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help or slip out the back door and drive away. If you feel you are in danger, call the police; it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your behavior; your safety is much more important than one person’s opinion of you.

While cheaters, liars and frauds certainly can be very convincing on the Web, you’ll also find them in nightclubs and offline dating services, parties or even sitting across from you at your local coffee house. Despite where you meet someone, dating is never risk-free, but a little caution will reduce your risk to your safety when trying to find that certain someone for your heart.

9 Stupid Mistakes to Avoid While Dating Online – For Guys

Internet online dating takes patience and
practice. Just because you are seated at your
own computer doesn't mean that people will come
to chat with you for no reason. Even in this
medium of Internet dating, you must take the
initiative and actively seek to contact those you
like.

But even if you contact some people or they
contact you, there are some incredibly stupid
things guys are doing on Internet dating and
singles sites ad than complain that all women are
ignoring them.

Women are searching men which know to make them
feel good and have great time with. They are
looking for someone intelligent, someone who
listens, a man with a good sense of humor, a well-
rounded person with a positive attitude.

If you want to get some responses and even get to
know closely women by online dating you have to
stop doing the mistakes that are chasing all the
women away. So:

1. Women browse profiles to find their match just
like you do. Post a good recent picture of
yourself, a nice picture that shows your sense of
humor or style. Do not send women pictures of
your "privates". They will ask if they want to
see that.

2. Make sure your profile contains proper
spelling and grammar. Women like an intelligent
person. Do not ruin your chances with simple
mistakes in your profile. Take some time to get
it right guys and you will get a response.

3. Women usually like men with some class, so don'
t choose a nickname that has a sexual innuendo (
unless you are on an adult dating site). You don’
t want to give the impression that you’re just
searching for a one night stand.

4. Don't use negative words in your profile.
Women are much more likely to be attracted to a
positive person.

5. Send individual emails and put some thought
into contacting women on these dating sites.
Women get 100 emails a day from all sorts of guys.
If you copy and paste 10 exactly same emails and
send them off you just go over-looked.

6. Show women that you are a caring person. Get
to know the woman. Ask questions to learn about
whom she is, what she does, etc. Don't talk only
about yourself.

7. Do not pretend that you are willing to fly
half way round the world to meet someone you have
been chatting to when using online dating sites
if you are not really serious. It's not fair on
anyone including you. It's easy to get carried
away with a lovely person seven thousand miles
away, but are you really going to get out of that
chair and go and meet them? If you are, you have
our utmost support and respect. If you are really
only looking for someone in your state or close
to home then stick with that and make it clear.

8. If you are married don't lie, tell from the
very beginning. Women can feel this and it gets
you nowhere. If you are sincere maybe you find
someone who is willing to spend some good time
with you.

9. If a woman tells you that she is not
interested in you do not keep sending her
messages. You are losing your time and she can
complain that you are harassing her.

Be patient, it takes time to find someone special
when using online dating sites and dating
services, like anywhere else for that matter.

9 Secrets to Get a Date After One Hour and 15 Minutes of Flirting Online!

If you are trying to pick up women online and
just can't get at least one date a week you
certainly need a little help. Just read this
article and start using these online flirting
success tips and they will help you to get that
first date much faster.You don't want to spend
too much time online because you really can't
feel the chemistry until the first “real world”
date. However, you can get the women you're
talking to to be interested in you and set her “
on fire” just to get to know you better.Keep in
mind that women feel attraction for a very
different set of reasons than men do. Where men
focus more on looks, women focus more on
personality, self esteem, power and confidence.
So, what are the secrets to get a date after one
hour and 15 minutes of flirting online?

1. Make your replies simple and use easy
questions. Concentrate on the conversation, not
on getting a date. Remember that flirting is a
way of connecting from the heart and
acknowledging someone. Most women want to know
what kind of person they are going out with.

2. Women always fall for men who are a little bit
unreachable. Think of yourself as special and
know what you deserve.

3. Be yourself. The underlying key to all
flirtation is confidence, the magical charm that
makes others want to get to know you.

4. Be funny but in the same time a little bit
arrogant. It creates a wonderful, entertaining
challenge that women just love to engage in...
If you make a naughty, fun comment, something she
is NOT expecting, then something magical begins
to happen: she feels a spark of attraction,
curiosity, intrigue because you're obviously
different.

5. People like people who are interested in them.
So when you engage someone in conversation make
sure you spend at least 62% of the time listening
to THEM!

6.When you are talking about you, tell enough
just to get her trust but keep a little mystery
about you.

7. Never ever make yourself to available. In one
hour of online conversation you have to make her
believe that you're confident, that you're
intelligent and funny. Don't stay any longer or
you risk to become boring.

8. Find an excuse and just go, but not before you
let her know that you're interested in her. Set
another online date but not for the next day. You
are a busy guy! Let her heat up a little bit. :)

9. At the second date (online), after 15 minutes
of talking, just say “Hey, I have some spare time
this evening, can we meet? I just want to...
convince myself that you are real.” This way, she
will be surprised and won't have to much time to
make the decision and you will run less risk of
being rejected. If she is interested in you but
she already has something fixed for that evening,
she will ask for a date another time. If she don'
t, just say, next!

Good luck and have fun!

9 Secrets to Get a Date After One Hour and 15 Minutes of Flirting Online!

If you are trying to pick up women online and just can't get at least one date a week you certainly need a little help. Just read this article and start using these online flirting success tips and they will help you to get that first date much faster.

You don't want to spend too much time online because you really can't feel the chemistry until the first “real world” date. However, you can get the women you're talking to to be interested in you and set her “on fire” just to get to know you better.

Keep in mind that women feel attraction for a very different set of reasons than men do. Where men focus more on looks, women focus more on personality, self esteem, power and confidence.

So, what are the secrets to get a date after one hour and 15 minutes of flirting online?

1. Make your replies simple and use easy questions. Concentrate on the conversation, not on getting a date. Remember that flirting is a way of connecting from the heart and acknowledging someone. Most women want to know what kind of person they are going out with.

2. Women always fall for men who are a little bit unreachable. Think of yourself as special and know what you deserve.

3. Be yourself. The underlying key to all flirtation is confidence, the magical charm that makes others want to get to know you.

4. Be funny but in the same time a little bit arrogant. It creates a wonderful, entertaining challenge that women just love to engage in... If you make a naughty, fun comment, something she is NOT expecting, then something magical begins to happen: she feels a spark of attraction, curiosity, intrigue because you're obviously different.

5. People like people who are interested in them. So when you engage someone in conversation make sure you spend at least 62% of the time listening to THEM!

6. When you are talking about you, tell enough just to get her trust but keep a little mystery about you.

7. Never ever make yourself to available. In one hour of online conversation you have to make her believe that you're confident, that you're intelligent and funny. Don't stay any longer or you risk to become boring.

8. Find an excuse and just go, but not before you let her know that you're interested in her. Set another online date but not for the next day. You are a busy guy! Let her heat up a little bit. :)
9. At the second date (online), after 15 minutes of talking, just say “Hey, I have some spare time this evening, can we meet? I just want to... convince myself that you are real.” This way, she will be surprised and won't have to much time to make the decision and you will run less risk of being rejected.

If she is interested in you but she already has something fixed for that evening, she will ask for a date another time. If she don't, just say, next!

Good luck and have fun!

9 Regrets in Dating

We all have committed mistakes in our dating lives or our relationships. Some we have lived to regret. Through some research here are the most common regrets of dating people or people in a relationship.

1. Most people regret not settling down with their childhood sweetheart or 1st love at college. They always believe that there will be more fish out there so why settle down? There might be more fish out there but do they actually fit your taste and personality. Compared to that proven fish that you have already established with your childhood sweetheart or 1st college love. Some people who didn’t marry their childhood sweetheart will only think that they have settled for 2nd best only. This will be unfair to the other party, because you will always be thinking about that 1st love.

2. Dating people for the very wrong reasons always result in disasters. There might be some that could pull it off but it could be rare. Some people date for reasons of that person being physically attractive, business reasons, business contracts, sex or even just out of sympathy. We instead should date people who we seem to like because of their great personality or that being a match for us. A friend of mine tried to date a Muslim because she was pretty attractive, eventually things didn’t work out because of cultural differences. If you know that you are entering a dating situation where things will really not work out, don’t waste your time on it. There could be others out there while you’re wasting your time on the wrong person.

3. People always regret not taking the offer of the date when the offer was there. People will always ask the “what if” question. Just imagine all the girls who turned down Bill Gates now. Bottom line give the person a chance, it won’t hurt to have a sip of coffee for only 30 minutes. You might even find out you might click.

4. In our current society most 20 something people will put career ahead of their love life. This is not a bad thing though. But once you hit your 30’s you will seem to lose something within you. You will become less attractive because of aging signs. Our body clocks will eventually catch up on us. Also most good catches will be fewer. Try to balance out your career and social life. Having a love life doesn’t mean you need to get married and sacrifice your career. It might even inspire you to work harder. It’s just how you view the situation.

5. Never date a married person. Dating a married person always guarantees disaster. This relationship will always be about deceit, lies and cheating. The unmarried party will also be led to expect something that could or might never happen; which is being in a serious relationship with the married person. It might also bother your conscience that you are destroying the life of the married couple. This relationship or dating period will never ever work out and be fun. It will always be filled with doubt.

6. Stupid regrets here, people leave the person they love. Don’t know why. If you love the person why leave him or her? Often reasons for a person leaving his or her partner are due to infidelity. If things do eventually go broke it might be too late to go back. I mean if you love the person why be unfaithful? It might be tempting but it’s only a test of your relationship. Bottom-line, be faithful.

7. People also regret not ending a really bad relationship earlier. There might have been a time during the bad relationship that there was someone better who would’ve wanted to be with you. But because you were in that bad relationship you passed out on that other wonderful person. So if you think you’re just not in the right situation have the courage to end it.

8. Don’t be jackass in your relationship. People often regret that they could have been nicer to their partner. It will always haunt you when you treat your partner badly. How could our relationship have ended if I was nicer? Try to be courteous, remembering special dates (no matter how cheesy they are), kind, compromising, getting something special, being spontaneous. Don’t be too late to change, because you might regret it.

9. Don’t be callous when dumping a person. It definitely hurts and karma has a way of finding you.

8 Rules for a Successful Date

Dating is a necessary part of finding the perfect
match for you. Its a selection process, that
needs to be followed with some type of an idea of
how to handle yourself.

The easiest way to meet women is to be
approachable and make new friends. This way you
will meet more people and some of them might have
female friends they will set you up with. You
will be exposed to new places and activities,
which might lead to meeting women.

There are guys that know how to date, guys that
haven't dated in years, or others that has never
been successful with women. Whatever the case,
they all should follow some common rules for to
have a successful date.

Finally you have a date with the beautiful girl
you look after for some good time and she never
seen you before. But, the miracle happened and
you have the chance to meet her and impress her
at a date. So, to not fail in you date watch out
these important dating rules.

1. Try to look your best and be punctual on dates.
Get your hygiene and stiling sorted out. Most
women prefer smartly dressed guys. Not over the
top, at the height of fashion, but cleanly turned
out in suitable clothes. So your appearance can
be vital.

Never be late for a date unless you have a very
good reason. Women don't like to be kept waiting
even less for a man .

2. Sort out your job if is one you are proud of
and get your knowledge levels up. Most women love
a guy to show that he can be in charge. So you
should have every little detail taken care of and
organized. It shows that you are capable, and
attentive, qualities much sought after in a
potential mate.

3. Pay attention to her. Be interested , stop
talking and start listening. You are on a date
with her to get to know each other, use that time
effectively, to find out as much about each other
as possible. Give her your undivided attention.
Ask about her, show interest in her. Everyone
loves to talk about themselves, her included.
Allow her to talk, and then listen. This is one
of the greatest compliments you can give another
person. Also you should watch the details,
nothing shows better that you are a sensitive,
caring man that try all to make her feel
comfortable on date.

4. Flatter and compliment your date on the way
she look and how she is dressed. She made a lot
of effort for to look wonderful on your date. So,
it's good for her to hear that she looks good and
is beautiful.

5. Have fun when dating to create a happy
atmosphere so your partner to not get bored. It
is very important that she feel good so maybe you
will get a second date.

6. Don't be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy
and manners will get you everywhere.

7. Never date a married person because she would
not leave her husband for you and you will be for
her just a shoulder to cry on. This types of
date are based only on lies.

8. Be confident. Confidence can open many doors
for you. When you are confident she will have
more trust in you and your abilities.

The most importing thing at all on date is to be
your self. Thats because after the date there
will be ordinary days to come and it have never
paid to play someone youre not on the date. The
best thing to do is to show the other person
right from the beginning what kind of man you are
or it will never work.

8 Quick Ways to Relax Before a Big Date

So you haven't been out on a date in awhile and you're nervous that you'll do or say the wrong thing. Or perhaps your last date was such a disaster that it should have had a rating 5 on the weather channel. Getting nervous before a date is understandable. Will they be attracted to you? Are you both on the same wavelength? Will you be able to control your mouth from saying something your brain knows is stupid?

Mistakes usually occur when stress levels are high. And lets face it dating is a stressful endeavour. The best thing you can do before a date is…relax…I know that is easier said than done but here are 8 easy ways to chillout before your dates arrives so that you actually have a good time on your date without any jittery mis-steps.

1. Meditate or if that sounds too mystical just close your eyes and focus on your breathing, feel it as it goes in and feel it go out. Can you feel it flow through your nostrils into your lungs? Does your stomach expand too? If it does then you know your breathing deeply and you'll get the most benefit from the activity. See if you can focus on the pause between breaths and that between an inhale and an exhale. Do it for 5 minutes or do it for 20 - the length is not as important as your focus during this time.

2. Sing. Really loudly. Obviously this isn't going to work in an office but it's great in the car, especially at night if you're worried about other people looking at you oddly.

3. Stretch. Try standing with your feet hip width apart and then take a deep breath, rise up onto your toes and reach up to the ceiling with your fingertips. Hold for as long as you can. And then slowly release your breath, your arms and finally put your heels back on the ground.

4. Go for a walk even if it's just around the office or your living room. Or you could walk to the mailbox or do 6 starjumps or put on some dancing music. Anything to get your body moving and those endorphins flowing.

5. Give yourself a quick massage - your feet or hands are good places to start for a quick treat. Keep some hand cream or body lotion at your desk or in your bedside table and you'll always be ready to treat yourself. And take your time - afterall YOU know the bits you like.

6. Connect with your inner child - Do a handstand or a cartwheel - this isn't going to work indoors but if you're wearing trousers there's no reason why you can't do it in the park on your way to meet your date. And while you're there have a go on the slide too (not a good option if you're wearing white and its probably a good idea to make sure the ramp is clean before you slide).

7. Go somewhere private and be as unbelievably angry as you possibly can and try to stay angry - you'll find that 9 times out of 10 you won't be able to sustain it. The idea is not to get all worked up and then go and spray your anger at your date. It's about getting it all out and then dealing with whatever situation needs addressing. In order to do this you need to make sure that you don't leave your private space until you feel like your anger has all gone. We hear so much about anger management when it's not really about managing it, but rather letting it out. Just remember the golden rule: its OK to get angry but its not OK to take it out on someone or something else.

8. Read fiction - almost everyone agrees that fiction is a wonderful escape from the day to day. There's nothing quite like stepping out of your own life and into the lives of the characters in a good story. And a good short story is just the thing for a 15 minute chillout session. Don't know where to start? Check out www.espressofiction.com for some cool fiction that can be sent to you by email each week.

Hope these tips work for you on your next date. You might even find you enjoy it!

8 Dating Rules For Single Dads

The problem with recently divorced single parents
is that are waiting too long to start dating
again, complaining they are oh, so busy. The real
reason is their fears, because their previous
situation was usually so ugly, they don't have a
strong enough ego to let rejections roll off
their back.

Even if they are starting to date, in most cases
are doing this for the wrong reasons. Some single
parents think they are in competition with their
ex, particularly if they were left for a younger
partner. They also might be playing a game to
prove to the ex that they are desirable by dating
as many people as possible. In a nutshell, don't
date for emotional revenge, to allay feelings of
loneliness or to prove your desirability to
others.

After a divorce, both parties are tented to
change partners almost every week or month and
are not in the mood to compromise with somebody.

But after a while especially single fathers are
feeling the need to have a life partner and a
mother for their children.

If you are a single father and you are determined
to find someone for a long time relationship you
have to be sure that you are making the best
choice because now you are not alone, you are
making the choice not only for you but for your
children too.

There are some gold rules to consider that can
help you to find the best mom for your children
and the best lover for you:

1. As there is no surer turn-off for a potential
lover than a person who insists on living in the
past, make a rule for yourself that you are going
to do your absolute best not to drag the past
into new relationships.

2. Your kids are the priority of your life; keep
them there no matter what!

3. You have been careful to prepare your kids for
the fact that you will have a life other than the
one with them. But don't forget to make them
understand that they will not lose your love,
just some of your time together.

4. Chose to date only women that have at least
one kid already. A woman without children will
not understand you and your children needs and
will not have too much patience. Don't forget
that children are the best when it is about to
exasperate somebody, and in the first stage your
new date will be like a target for your kids jest.

5. Don't leave your partner to baby-sit. In order
to keep children safe, it is necessary to be able
to discipline them. It is too soon for your
partner to discipline your children.

6. In conflict situation try to put yourself in
your partner place, be diplomatic with your child
and try to be impartial. Find the golden mean to
resolve the problems between them.

7. Never chose your mate only because she is
getting on well with your child. You have to find
someone FOR YOU and YOUR CHILD. Remember that the
best for your children is and will ever be their
natural mum, the women you just have divorced (
for some good reasons I believe). So find a woman
that you are attracted to, a woman you find
interesting AND that is willing to accept your
children too.

8. Pay attention to her children too, and never
forget that they are the priority of her life.

7 Tips For Dating Older Woman

Men are interested in dating older women because
they are more experienced and more capable of
handling relationships smoothly. Older women are
more mature, financially independent, and good
lovers.

Younger men have been attracted to older women
for a long time. This happens because older women
are mature, know what expect from life, and do
not care about what ‘neighbors say’. If in the
past this was a big shame, today these couples
are not keeping in secret anymore their
relationship.

Dating older woman can be a nice and exciting
experience. If you are a person interested in
dating older woman, you must think before because
there are good parts and bad parts.

Some of the bad parts are that she has passed
over in life and has many worries. She has ex-
boyfriends, husbands, children's, pending
divorces, financial obligations, debts. Maybe
your friends will consider you a hero, but your
friends will talk about you, frown upon you.
Remember that she is older than you are, has life
experience, so she is often in control, and would
like to manipulate you.

The good part is that she knows a lot about
female- male relationships. She knows very well
what she wants and from whom and they usually
looking for a man that consider like them that
compatibility and open communication are more
important than age. They do not need a man to
take care of them. Older women are forthright and
honest and they will tell you right off, what she
thinks about you so you do not have to wonder
where you stand with her.

It is necessary that you find an older woman who
is interested in a younger man. You will have
bigger chances of success to win her heart .If
you already have a date with her, do not blow up.
Here are some helpful tips for attracting her.

Be yourself. She is dating you because she likes
you; you offer her spontaneity and fun. So, do
not even think about impersonating someone that
you are not.

Take her somewhere she has never been before;
show her that you are different from other men
your age. Invite her at a jazz club, concert or
an exotic restaurant.

You must change the topic of your discussions.
Ask about her job, hobbies, what type of music
she likes... Lady is smart, confident and mature,
so do not discuss about age. You should be
confident too.

Be spontaneous. Offer her something that people
her age cannot, like excitement in and out of the
bed. She is usually not looking for a serious
relationship - she just wants to have fun.
However, it is true that older women can do a lot
for a younger man – besides sex.

Do not compare her to your ex. This would not
make her feel better with you. The older woman
can feel comfortable being with you even if you
are younger and it will be at ease with your
presence. Make her feel important and show her
that you are interested in her.

You have to have the same intensity about life
like her. You must know that an older woman will
never wake you in the middle of the night to ask
what you are thinking, and this should not bother
to you.

Do not move too fast. You know that she is not
looking to make fast a family, because she
already had one and that one failed. Maybe she
already has children’s and this will complicate
things. You should always be willing to accept
the complications that come with dating an older
woman.

6 Secrets to Be the Nice Guy Women Want

Sure you're nice - most people are. So what?

This quality is one that reflects your feeling
that you're a man worth knowing and you deserve
women's attention. But do you really believe
that women pay attention to what you think you
deserve?

Being nice is not enough. Okay, fine, you're nice,
but you also need to be interesting.

Unfortunately, "nice guy" equates to wimp/dweeb
in too many people's minds.

Believe me: you don't have to be a jerk to
attract women!

As a matter of fact, women did not like jerks or
aggressive men. They are attracted by challenging,
interesting guys. That's all. You can be
interesting, challenging and still a nice man. Be
yourself but keep in mind these significant
things that can make the difference between a
regular nice guy and a successful one:

1. Women LOVE a man who is a CHALLENGE... the
quickest and easiest way I've ever heard to let a
woman know that YOU are the guy she should be
pursuing is to let women know you are successful
with women. Be a nice guy, but one that is
desirable. :)

2. The MOST EFFECTIVE way to approach a woman and
spark her attraction for you is giving her a
COMPLIMENT on her looks. This can be suicidal if
done wrong... but just find something at her what
you really think is special, different about her.
You give attention, and you will get attention in
return!

3. Not being aggressive doesn't mean that you
have to wait for madam perfection to drop into
your lap (which you as a "nice guy" deserve by
definition, of course). You have to take some
initiative. BE SELF-CONFIDENT (but not really
cocky) and show some honest interest in something
about a woman.

4. The best selling genre of books in the world
is romance novels... because women LOVE romance.
So don't talk about sport for God seek! If you
are not the type of man that reads poetry or is
able to talk about moon or about the smell of
burned tree leafs, don't do it. You'll look
unnatural. But taking your date in a romantic
place, offering her a nice flower, enjoying some
good music or even touching her hand in a
delicate way is very romantic.

5. And don't talk only about you. You want her to
listen to you? Then first listen carefully to her
when she needs to be heard. The most effective
way to be interesting is asking questions and…
listens. Only try and you'll see. :)

Keep in mind that often (not always, but very
often) when a woman tells you about a problem she'
s having, she's not looking to you for the
solution. What? That doesn't make sense? What
she's often looking for is comfort and
reassurance and knowing that YOU'RE THERE.

6. One of the most important things in dating is
to approach women that are interested in dating
and women that seem to be interested in you. Don'
t try to sell candies to someone that is looking
for peanuts and don't waste your time with women
that are still affected by their ex long term
relationships. You don't want to be just a
shoulder to cry?

You only live once, so live your life well!

6 Rules to Choose the Best Place for the First Date

Let’s assume for a minute that you have met a
great girl and that you want more than a one-
night-stand. You want to have a good time with
her because you want to develop a long-term
relationship.

I believe that there isn’t a perfect general
place for all first dates, just the perfect place
for you and your future date. One where you have
been with your ex date and it was great, could be
a wrong choice for your date with another girl.

Make sure your first date will be a success
choosing the right place. There are some rules
and criteria that will help you to make the best
decision:

1. For your very first meeting it is suggested
that you only make it brief but fun, inexpensive
and relaxing.

2. Chose the place for the first date according
your date's age and lifestyle. Maybe you don't
know too much about the women you are going to
ask for a date, but you can make a clue about her,
looking to how she is dressing and watching the
type of people she is hanging around.

3. Particularly on a first date, you may wish to
leave early, or so may they. An exit plan for
both guys and girls is always useful.

4. Dates that will make you interact with the
other person and share both your interests will
not only teach you more about them, but also show
how compatible you actually are. Sporting events,
concerts and picnics are great places for first
dates. You can talk, and being outside,
everything feels less claustrophobic. It's easy
and relaxed and clothing usually isn't a problem

5. It makes a difference if you can find
something that she will remember for a long time.
If in your area is an event like circus, carnival,
festival, don't miss it and you two will have
more fun than at a coffee place that's for sure.
There wouldn't be any pressure; you’ll only have
to enjoy the company.

6. If you are dating late in the evening make
sure that you walk in places where your date is
feeling safe. Don't forget that she does not know
you very well and being alone with you in a place
that is not public can make her feel insecure. It
is normal!

By being unique and creative, you'll stand out
among the other guys she's dated and she will
want to be with you again.