Copyright 2006 David Maillie
We hear about it and see it on TV talk shows like Oprah, Dr. Phil, Ellen, and of course The Jerry Springer Show. We just hope it will never happen to us. Cheating is awful in a relationship. It is devastating and usually leaves permanent emotional scars if it doesn’t end the relationship. Unfortunately most partners don’t know about the cheating until they are told about it by a caring friend or relative. Here are some definite signs that by themselves may not be indicative of cheating, but together should send off a big warning signal that something is going on. Recognizing this cheating early on can save oneself from much heartache and trouble that will grow the longer it persists.
A sudden increase in late night work outside the home and travel could indicate your partner is cheating. It may just be innocent and maybe they have a new boss, demanding new clients, or a new demanding project, but they may also have a sexy new secretary that they are suddenly paying a lot of attention to. Communication is the key here, if you have any doubts call them. You won't know if you don't communicate with them. Here's a great tip, if you are feeling doubts tell your partner. If they aren't cheating they have nothing to be worried about and they won't get defensive or mad. If you can’t reach them, they make lots of excuses or they won’t take your calls then a flag should go up. Midnight or midday rendezvous are not inducive to a good relationship and they cannot hide it forever. No one is perfect, even international spies make mistakes. Check their clothes and travel items. Is there an unfamiliar perfume? Something that doesn't belong? Receipts for possibly romantic dinners, hotels, lavish or romantic gifts, etc… (gifts are a huge indicator of cheating).
A sudden decrease in sex drive could mean they are getting it elsewhere. A temporary reduction in sex drive could just be related to increased stress or job duties. It could also indicate medical problems that should be referred to a doctor. Like prostate or urinary trouble. But, a sudden decrease in sex drive equipped with sudden late night work at the office and unexplained receipts for romantic dinners definitely means something is not right and should be checked into.
A marked defensiveness and new irritability expressed towards you. This could be your lover trying to hide their cheating by them throwing it back at you. “Why would you even ask or think that? You should trust me like I do you. Maybe you are the one having an affair. Where were you last night?” A new unforeseen defensiveness in itself is a very strong indicator of cheating. This defensiveness is almost always present in cheating. Just watch Dr. Phil, he knows this and asks the potential cheater why they are so defensive. What do they have to be so defensive about if there isn't anything going on?
Also the opposite of this defensiveness could indicate some infidelity or cheating. Is your partner all of a sudden being extremely nice to you. Are they buying you romantic gifts, dinners, flowers, etc… for no apparent reason you can think of? Is this way out of the norm for them? They may be going through feelings of guilt after infidelity. They may feel guilty for what they have done and are trying to console their feelings in this way after the fact. As seen on Oprah, this is a high indicator that cheating or infidelity has occurred. 95% of partners that have cheated experience feelings of guilt and will be extra nice to their spouse after the infidelity has occurred.
There are other numerous indicators that can be indicative of infidelity or cheating. These may not in themself indicate cheating, but when grouped together, the more indicators that occur, the more likely some cheating or infidelity is going on somewhere or has in the past and your partner may still be trying to cover it up