Copyright 2006 Jayne Parke
The value of good communication skills whilst dating online cannot be over-emphazied as it's all you have when getting to know your potential dates.
It can be a very daunting task communicating with someone you have not yet met and strike up a conversation.
Are you one of those people who meets someone new for the first time, you get past the "Hello" and then a tumbleweed breezes across the floor?
If so you are not alone. And don't worry help is at hand!
When you understand all about other people and how they like to communicate and what they like to talk about, then meeting people for the first time can be an enjoyable experience.
The problem with meeting new people or people who you do not know very well is that you tend to find that you put yourself under pressure to talk.
What should I talk about?
What shall I say?
How will I fill this silence in the conversation?
You enter into these online encounters with ME ME ME in your mind!
You forget about communicating with the other person because you are too busy thinking of what to say!
In fact you don't end up communicating you just end up taking turns talking! Let me tell you something now that may shock you.
The best conversationalists in this world are the best listeners.
In fact, the person who says the least is often the best communicator yet you are there racking your brains thinking of things to say all of the time.
Here is a top tip:
BECOME AN EXPERT LISTENER
Let me explain why.
When you become an expert listener is means that the other person is doing most of the talking.
When you go into any online situation where you are communicating with someone for the first time go into that encounter with only one thing on your mind - THEM.
You must treat that person as they are the most important person in the world, because to them they are!
To build up rapport and to engage in a conversation ask questions and be intrigued about the other person not yourself. When you enter into any conversation, do so with the intention of giving, without wanting, expecting or demanding anything in return.
As simple as this sounds, don’t underestimate the power and significance of this principle. What happens is when you talk to another person and genuinely come from a place of giving; you will feel empowered as long as you are not trying to control the conversation, or seek approval from the other person.
The other great thing about communicating with others in this manner is that your own worries and fears about saying the wrong thing will disappear. Instead you will feel relaxed, confident and very much as ease.
You will feel comfortable with expressing your personality and the person you are speaking with, will have no resistance to what you are saying. If anything, they will feel compelled to respond to your giving by giving to you in return.
This will result in people really listening to you. And what better way for someone to truly get to know you.
So, what do you talk to the other person about?
Well, like I said before, you don't!
You let them do most of the talking and by doing this they will think that you walk on water and will in turn ask about you and that's when YOU talk!
So how do you engage the other person into talking?
To do this it is important to understand what other people like to talk to about. Here are the TOP 5 in order:
1.THEMSELVES! People love to talk about themselves.
It's a fact and bet you are not an exception to that rule either!
Want to know how to build rapport with someone and to hold a conversation?
Get them to talk about their favorite subject - THEMSELVES!
"What are YOU currently doing career wise?" "Do YOU enjoy it?" "Tell me about this….." "I hear YOU have been doing this……"
Ask question to get them to talk about themselves and then ask some more questions, and then some more! He or she will love you for it!
2.THEIR OWN OPINIONS. Second only to talking about themselves, people love to air there opinions on anything and everything.
Ask these questions as well and your new Date could be talking for hours!
"What do you think of the way Tiger Woods has played this year?" "What is your opinion on the strike?" "What do you think of xxx dating site?"
However, whatever you do, don't get into an argument if your opinions differ, unless of course you want to make a sharp exit!
3.OTHER PEOPLE. People love to talk about other people.
Some people call this gossip, other just call it talking about other people!
"What do you think of President Bush?" "Hasn't Oprah got great interpersonal skills" "Isn't Jim Carey a real laugh?"
4.THINGS. Next on the pecking order is talking about things. No matter what it is your friend will have an opinion on it.
"I love YOUR job description, what's the best thing YOU love about your work?" "What do YOU think of this photo?" "I love YOUR jacket, where did you get it from?
5.YOU Keep the conversation centred around the other person until they ask about you and then it is your turn.
To keep their full attention wait until they have finished talking about themselves and they have asked you a question. Then you can talk.
When you do talk however, link it into what the other person has already said and you will really be making magical rapport.
•Don't worry about what to say just go into each conversation with the other person in mind. •Listen and ask questions about the other person.
•Then ask some more questions!
•Think about "YOU" instead of "I"
•Talk about the other persons favorite 5 subjects in order!
•Don't talk about yourself until the other person asks