9 Regrets in Dating

We all have committed mistakes in our dating lives or our relationships. Some we have lived to regret. Through some research here are the most common regrets of dating people or people in a relationship.

1. Most people regret not settling down with their childhood sweetheart or 1st love at college. They always believe that there will be more fish out there so why settle down? There might be more fish out there but do they actually fit your taste and personality. Compared to that proven fish that you have already established with your childhood sweetheart or 1st college love. Some people who didn’t marry their childhood sweetheart will only think that they have settled for 2nd best only. This will be unfair to the other party, because you will always be thinking about that 1st love.

2. Dating people for the very wrong reasons always result in disasters. There might be some that could pull it off but it could be rare. Some people date for reasons of that person being physically attractive, business reasons, business contracts, sex or even just out of sympathy. We instead should date people who we seem to like because of their great personality or that being a match for us. A friend of mine tried to date a Muslim because she was pretty attractive, eventually things didn’t work out because of cultural differences. If you know that you are entering a dating situation where things will really not work out, don’t waste your time on it. There could be others out there while you’re wasting your time on the wrong person.

3. People always regret not taking the offer of the date when the offer was there. People will always ask the “what if” question. Just imagine all the girls who turned down Bill Gates now. Bottom line give the person a chance, it won’t hurt to have a sip of coffee for only 30 minutes. You might even find out you might click.

4. In our current society most 20 something people will put career ahead of their love life. This is not a bad thing though. But once you hit your 30’s you will seem to lose something within you. You will become less attractive because of aging signs. Our body clocks will eventually catch up on us. Also most good catches will be fewer. Try to balance out your career and social life. Having a love life doesn’t mean you need to get married and sacrifice your career. It might even inspire you to work harder. It’s just how you view the situation.

5. Never date a married person. Dating a married person always guarantees disaster. This relationship will always be about deceit, lies and cheating. The unmarried party will also be led to expect something that could or might never happen; which is being in a serious relationship with the married person. It might also bother your conscience that you are destroying the life of the married couple. This relationship or dating period will never ever work out and be fun. It will always be filled with doubt.

6. Stupid regrets here, people leave the person they love. Don’t know why. If you love the person why leave him or her? Often reasons for a person leaving his or her partner are due to infidelity. If things do eventually go broke it might be too late to go back. I mean if you love the person why be unfaithful? It might be tempting but it’s only a test of your relationship. Bottom-line, be faithful.

7. People also regret not ending a really bad relationship earlier. There might have been a time during the bad relationship that there was someone better who would’ve wanted to be with you. But because you were in that bad relationship you passed out on that other wonderful person. So if you think you’re just not in the right situation have the courage to end it.

8. Don’t be jackass in your relationship. People often regret that they could have been nicer to their partner. It will always haunt you when you treat your partner badly. How could our relationship have ended if I was nicer? Try to be courteous, remembering special dates (no matter how cheesy they are), kind, compromising, getting something special, being spontaneous. Don’t be too late to change, because you might regret it.

9. Don’t be callous when dumping a person. It definitely hurts and karma has a way of finding you.

8 Quick Ways to Relax Before a Big Date

So you haven't been out on a date in awhile and you're nervous that you'll do or say the wrong thing. Or perhaps your last date was such a disaster that it should have had a rating 5 on the weather channel. Getting nervous before a date is understandable. Will they be attracted to you? Are you both on the same wavelength? Will you be able to control your mouth from saying something your brain knows is stupid?

Mistakes usually occur when stress levels are high. And lets face it dating is a stressful endeavour. The best thing you can do before a date is…relax…I know that is easier said than done but here are 8 easy ways to chillout before your dates arrives so that you actually have a good time on your date without any jittery mis-steps.

1. Meditate or if that sounds too mystical just close your eyes and focus on your breathing, feel it as it goes in and feel it go out. Can you feel it flow through your nostrils into your lungs? Does your stomach expand too? If it does then you know your breathing deeply and you'll get the most benefit from the activity. See if you can focus on the pause between breaths and that between an inhale and an exhale. Do it for 5 minutes or do it for 20 - the length is not as important as your focus during this time.

2. Sing. Really loudly. Obviously this isn't going to work in an office but it's great in the car, especially at night if you're worried about other people looking at you oddly.

3. Stretch. Try standing with your feet hip width apart and then take a deep breath, rise up onto your toes and reach up to the ceiling with your fingertips. Hold for as long as you can. And then slowly release your breath, your arms and finally put your heels back on the ground.

4. Go for a walk even if it's just around the office or your living room. Or you could walk to the mailbox or do 6 starjumps or put on some dancing music. Anything to get your body moving and those endorphins flowing.

5. Give yourself a quick massage - your feet or hands are good places to start for a quick treat. Keep some hand cream or body lotion at your desk or in your bedside table and you'll always be ready to treat yourself. And take your time - afterall YOU know the bits you like.

6. Connect with your inner child - Do a handstand or a cartwheel - this isn't going to work indoors but if you're wearing trousers there's no reason why you can't do it in the park on your way to meet your date. And while you're there have a go on the slide too (not a good option if you're wearing white and its probably a good idea to make sure the ramp is clean before you slide).

7. Go somewhere private and be as unbelievably angry as you possibly can and try to stay angry - you'll find that 9 times out of 10 you won't be able to sustain it. The idea is not to get all worked up and then go and spray your anger at your date. It's about getting it all out and then dealing with whatever situation needs addressing. In order to do this you need to make sure that you don't leave your private space until you feel like your anger has all gone. We hear so much about anger management when it's not really about managing it, but rather letting it out. Just remember the golden rule: its OK to get angry but its not OK to take it out on someone or something else.

8. Read fiction - almost everyone agrees that fiction is a wonderful escape from the day to day. There's nothing quite like stepping out of your own life and into the lives of the characters in a good story. And a good short story is just the thing for a 15 minute chillout session. Don't know where to start? Check out www.espressofiction.com for some cool fiction that can be sent to you by email each week.

Hope these tips work for you on your next date. You might even find you enjoy it!

4 Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do"

"How do you know when you've met the right one?”
Almost everyone asks this question at some point in their lives; unfortunately, there are not too many who get a concrete answer. But if you're reading this article, then you're one of the lucky few.

Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse can be reduced to just four key characteristics. If you can find somebody with all four then it's highly likely that you've found your life partner.

1) What is This Person's Core Values?
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality. And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person.

For example: Jerry's core value is adventure. When Jerry starts to date Diana, he happens to be volunteering at the local Emergency Room. He goes there every night, holds people's hands, calms them down. And Diana is thinking to herself that Jerry must have a heart of gold if this is how he's spending his spare time. Now, Jerry might really have a heart of gold. But he's volunteering because of his love for adventure. The ER is filled with action, it's exciting. So right now, Jerry's adventurousness happens to be expressing itself in a kind way. But that could change. Jerry might stop volunteering, and start trying other adventures that Diana may find unpleasant, dangerous, or even unethical.

However, if Jerry's core value is a commitment to goodness and caring, then everything he does will rotate around that, including his marriage. And Diana will be a very lucky woman if she marries him.

So how do you get to know the true Jerry? Surprisingly, it's not that difficult. No matter what a person's core value is, you will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis. If Jerry's core value is adventure, then he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection or arrive late at work because he followed a police chase. If Diana follows him carefully, she'll see that he places adventure above other important things on his list of priorities. But if Jerry's core value is goodness, then Diana will see him give up on certain things in order to be kind. If the waiter mixes up his order, he'll say thank you and eat the dish anyway. He'll let the other guy cross the intersection first, or he might be late to work because he drove a little old lady home with her groceries. If Diana follows him carefully, then she'll see him let go of some of his own desires in order to take care of other people.

So look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values that you can appreciate.

2) Does This Person Treat Others Well?
Number two is obvious: You want to marry someone who is going to take care of you and treat you well. How to figure it out? Simple. Spend time with this person, and pay attention to how they treat others whom they don't necessarily care about because they're not trying to charm them. Do they thank the attendant who pumped gas for them? Are they courteous to people at checkout counters? Do they curse out people who don't deliver on time, like telephone operators or overworked waitresses? Do they tend to drive aggressively, as if there's no one else on the road?

Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers - because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the line. Most people don't guard themselves so carefully that they'll hide how they treat others. So watch them, and you'll know how they're going to treat you after you're married.

3) Do We Communicate Well With Each Other?
In other words, make sure that you understand each other. This may seem obvious, but it's not.
Sometimes you can see a couple in a fight and they argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight. And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: “Oh, I thought you meant that…That's not what you meant? Oh, then we agree.”

Although on an occasional basis this can happen to anyone, if it's happening constantly then it's not a good sign because that may not change. If you're constantly misunderstanding each other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for a while.

4) Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other?
Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage. You cannot marry someone if you aren't physically attracted to them. And while men arrive at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women should give themselves some more time. Very often, a woman may not feel attracted to a man initially, but after she gets to know him she finds him much more attractive than before.
A word of caution: Although physical attraction is essential, you can't base a marriage on physicality. Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level. The rule is - make sure that physical attraction is there, but don't get swept away by it. The other three characteristics are just as important, if not more so.

So there you have it. The next time you date someone, put what you've learned here into practice. It'll save you a lot of time and heartache, and you might find yourself walking down the aisle faster than you think.

1st Time Meeting After Chatting Online

Technology has always been there to make lives of people easier. In fact, thanks to technology the world of emotions has also been conquered. Don’t try to think dirty here folks. What I’m talking about is the love connection that can happen through online dating sites and chatting rooms or software such as ICQ, MSN or MIRC.

Thanks to these websites and chat software people have been given a better chance to find their partner. This is because people are given the chance to be connected wherever they might be. All different cultures and walks of life are able to meet with a simple click of the keyboard. In short a person has got a better chance to meet his or her partner because of the greater number of daters. It is also easier to meet people online thanks to online date sites and chat rooms.

After chatting for a while and getting to know one another, it would be natural to meet. It would be a pretty shallow relationship if both of you are happy to be forever just chatting. Both persons may just be really looking for someone to talk to.

Finding love through the internet offers the two sides to get intimate right away. This is because it is easier to be yourself when chatting online. Just imagine that you can say anything stupid and you won’t see the other person thinking that it’s corny. Instead most chatters, even though you are pretty corny just type LOL (laugh out loud).

Because of the perception that you have built about yourself and the other person, meeting them becomes very hard. This is because of the perception you have given to him or her during chatting could not be really you. Both of you will then have higher expectations of who the real person really is.

Another problem that online chatting could present is the confidence of a person. Since it is easier to talk online, a person who is very shy or timid may have a hard time keeping up with who he or she really is. The person instead is like living both worlds.

When also meeting for the first time after long periods of chatting that could last in the wee hours of the morning, is being able to adjust. Both of you would have to figure out that it would be harder to talk on real life because of certain other factors involved. You are now both able to see the person’s mannerisms. This will be the toughest part that you would have to overcome. Once you have gone past this, the rest will be easier.

It is suggestible though to meet sooner rather than later. When meeting earlier at the chatting stages, this prevents both person having higher expectations. This also helps both parties to decide right away whether they are just better of friends or continue to develop the relationship. This helps both parties prevent disappointment and heartaches.

The Easy Way To Strike Up A Conversation With Your First Date Online

Copyright 2006 Jayne Parke

The value of good communication skills whilst dating online cannot be over-emphazied as it's all you have when getting to know your potential dates.

It can be a very daunting task communicating with someone you have not yet met and strike up a conversation.

Are you one of those people who meets someone new for the first time, you get past the "Hello" and then a tumbleweed breezes across the floor?

If so you are not alone. And don't worry help is at hand!

When you understand all about other people and how they like to communicate and what they like to talk about, then meeting people for the first time can be an enjoyable experience.

Honestly!

Here's how.

The problem with meeting new people or people who you do not know very well is that you tend to find that you put yourself under pressure to talk.

What should I talk about?

What shall I say?

How will I fill this silence in the conversation?

You enter into these online encounters with ME ME ME in your mind!

You forget about communicating with the other person because you are too busy thinking of what to say!

In fact you don't end up communicating you just end up taking turns talking! Let me tell you something now that may shock you.

The best conversationalists in this world are the best listeners.

In fact, the person who says the least is often the best communicator yet you are there racking your brains thinking of things to say all of the time.

Here is a top tip:

BECOME AN EXPERT LISTENER

Let me explain why.

When you become an expert listener is means that the other person is doing most of the talking.

When you go into any online situation where you are communicating with someone for the first time go into that encounter with only one thing on your mind - THEM.

You must treat that person as they are the most important person in the world, because to them they are!

To build up rapport and to engage in a conversation ask questions and be intrigued about the other person not yourself. When you enter into any conversation, do so with the intention of giving, without wanting, expecting or demanding anything in return.

As simple as this sounds, don’t underestimate the power and significance of this principle. What happens is when you talk to another person and genuinely come from a place of giving; you will feel empowered as long as you are not trying to control the conversation, or seek approval from the other person.

The other great thing about communicating with others in this manner is that your own worries and fears about saying the wrong thing will disappear. Instead you will feel relaxed, confident and very much as ease.

You will feel comfortable with expressing your personality and the person you are speaking with, will have no resistance to what you are saying. If anything, they will feel compelled to respond to your giving by giving to you in return.

This will result in people really listening to you. And what better way for someone to truly get to know you.

So, what do you talk to the other person about?

Well, like I said before, you don't!

You let them do most of the talking and by doing this they will think that you walk on water and will in turn ask about you and that's when YOU talk!

So how do you engage the other person into talking?

To do this it is important to understand what other people like to talk to about. Here are the TOP 5 in order:

1.THEMSELVES! People love to talk about themselves.

It's a fact and bet you are not an exception to that rule either!

Want to know how to build rapport with someone and to hold a conversation?

Get them to talk about their favorite subject - THEMSELVES!

"What are YOU currently doing career wise?" "Do YOU enjoy it?" "Tell me about this….." "I hear YOU have been doing this……"

Ask question to get them to talk about themselves and then ask some more questions, and then some more! He or she will love you for it!

2.THEIR OWN OPINIONS. Second only to talking about themselves, people love to air there opinions on anything and everything.

Ask these questions as well and your new Date could be talking for hours!

"What do you think of the way Tiger Woods has played this year?" "What is your opinion on the strike?" "What do you think of xxx dating site?"

However, whatever you do, don't get into an argument if your opinions differ, unless of course you want to make a sharp exit!

3.OTHER PEOPLE. People love to talk about other people.

Some people call this gossip, other just call it talking about other people!

"What do you think of President Bush?" "Hasn't Oprah got great interpersonal skills" "Isn't Jim Carey a real laugh?"

4.THINGS. Next on the pecking order is talking about things. No matter what it is your friend will have an opinion on it.

"I love YOUR job description, what's the best thing YOU love about your work?" "What do YOU think of this photo?" "I love YOUR jacket, where did you get it from?

5.YOU Keep the conversation centred around the other person until they ask about you and then it is your turn.

To keep their full attention wait until they have finished talking about themselves and they have asked you a question. Then you can talk.

When you do talk however, link it into what the other person has already said and you will really be making magical rapport.

ACTION PLAN

•Don't worry about what to say just go into each conversation with the other person in mind. •Listen and ask questions about the other person.
•Then ask some more questions!
•Think about "YOU" instead of "I"
•Talk about the other persons favorite 5 subjects in order!
•Don't talk about yourself until the other person asks
•Have fun!

Light Up Or Leave Me Alone

We are all just human. Each of us has our own set of character flaws or character defects. There are many people that wear masks, if you will, and they wear different ones for different people. There seems to be this mystification of projecting the “right” image to prospects in the dating world. Lets be honest, do you really want to attract a member of the opposite sex (or whatever your sexual preference might be) by projecting a fantasy that Don Juan couldn’t live up to? You can’t keep it up forever, and even if you could, it’s not real!

This applies to many smokers out there as well; especially those that are involved in the dating scene. Smoking seems to be one of those “red flags” or “character flaws” we would just as soon not publicize to our field of potential significant partners, at least in the beginning. So many of us feel as though we are being forced to be dishonest about our smoking just to be considered as a possibility in the eyes of that “perfect match”. The question here is; do you want to misrepresent whom you are and what you do just to get a date?

Many people might answer this question with a resounding “yes”; I want to project a fantasy that will attract the “perfect match” for me. The thinking here is similar to the door-to-door salesman that just wants to get his foot in the door and have the opportunity to sell his wares. This might work to some extent for selling widgets, but experience has taught me that there is one valued commodity that is absolutely imperative to form a successful relationship: Honesty. In order to be honest with another, you must first be honest with yourself. This is not as easy a task as it sounds for many people.

According to the Freudian Conflict Theory in personality, we have “id”, “ego” and “superego” all busy at work within our psyche. All jockey for position to dominate our thinking. Thus, our behavior is directly affected in various ways at different times and in different situations. The “id” operates within our psyche on the basis of pleasure only. It is childlike in many ways, and according to the theory, it is the driving force behind pleasure seeking. The superego is the morality or moral guidance barometer of the psyche. This mostly comes from what we have been taught is morally right or wrong. However, there is an innate conscience component of the superego that is theoretically not governed by what we have been taught. Then there is the ego; that self image that we project to the outside world. The ego creates a balance between id and superego. It saves us from being victims of our own pleasure. It is, in essence, the caretaker of the id and the superego. As they each have different goals, they are constantly in conflict with each other.

This sounds like a real mess. In many ways it certainly seems so. A “normal” person is full of conflict about themselves and who they really are. The theory makes it sound like we are all egomaniacs with inferiority complexes. What does all this have to do with honesty? Well it all comes down to perceptions. That is, our own self-perception and the perception of others. We have a tendency to make comparisons of our inner self with what we perceive to be the ideal self.

Or we may compare ourselves to others. In so doing, we may intentionally misrepresent our actual self as our ideal self. Or, we may just flat out lie about who we are and squelch the guilt.

As a smoker, I’ve been taught that smoking is wrong. It is unhealthy, it is smelly, it is unattractive to the opposite sex, etc., etc. The list goes on forever, and frankly, I’m tired of hearing it. I’ve come to grips with my smoking. Even though it isn’t something I am proud of, it is a part of who I am. If I were to quit smoking, then that would be a part of who I am at that time. I don’t make excuses for being me and I don’t apologize for it.

Years ago when I signed up for a couple of free dating sites, I filled in the profile information and hesitated when it asked if I were a smoker. I put down “no” even though it wasn’t true. Sure, I got matched up with a wonderful person, but I couldn’t enjoy any of it. I was so preoccupied with the fact that I couldn’t smoke (which made me want to smoke even more) and the fact that I was already being dishonest with this person that I couldn’t focus on just relaxing and having a good time. There was something odd about her behavior too. Sure, she was nervous, but I felt it was something more than that. She was holding back way too much. There was this “wall” between us. I didn’t know why at the time. I figured we were just incompatible and never called her. By chance, I saw her again several years after our first and only date. She told me that she was a smoker at the time, and had lied on her profile. We had a good laugh about it when she found out that I was guilty of the very same thing. Had we not both misrepresented ourselves and had then been matched up, who knows how far it might have gone?

It’s life-lessons like these that have brought me full circle to being honest with myself. There are many more people out there just like me. These are the ones who have come to terms with the dishonesty of it all. Many of them have chosen to throw away the masks they wear for others and just be themselves. This works well, especially when tempered with some common sense. After all, there is no reason to be so blatantly honest about meaningless things that may hurt someone’s feelings. Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be cruel.

Recently I signed up at one of the newer free dating sites that specializes in matching up smokers, http://SmokingDate.com/. I was surprised how many there are, and how many hits I got right away. My new profile states: I am who I am. I am a smoker. So either light up or leave me alone.