10 Dating Safety Tips For Online And Off

Still looking for a special someone? Just be sure to keep yourself safe. Here are ten ways to find love for your heart but keep your personal protection on your mind.

1. Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin by communicating solely by email, then look for odd behavior or inconsistencies. The person at the other end may not be who or what he says he is. Trust your instincts. If anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your safety and protection.

2. Make sure all contact on a member site takes place through a double-blind system, ensuring your true identity is protected until you decide to reveal it. Never include your last name, home address, phone number, place of employment, email address or any other identifying information in your profile or initial messages. When corresponding with someone, turn off your email signature file. Stop communicating with anyone who puts pressure on you for personal information or attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it.

3. Cautious decisions will result in a better dating experience. Be sure to protect yourself against trusting the untrustworthy; potential boyfriends must earn your trust gradually over time, through consistently honorable, straightforward behavior. Take all the time you need to investigate for a straightforward person and pay careful attention along the way. If you suspect someone is lying, he probably is, so act accordingly. Be responsible about romance, your heart will thank you. Don’t become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online. If you mutually decide to cross the point of no return, be smart and protect yourself. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (http://www.cdc.gov/ ) provide some of the most current information available about sexually transmitted diseases and preserving your health.

4. Most online dating services do not require members to submit to background checks. So make sure you get as much info as possible by asking questions, utilizing internet search engines and most importantly, using common sense. Nothing is 100% reliable, just remember to use your head…not just your heart.

5. A photo will give you a good idea of the person’s appearance, which may prove helpful in achieving a gut feeling. In fact, it’s best to view several images of someone in various settings: casual, formal, indoor and outdoors. If all you hear are excuses about why you can’t see a photo, consider that he has something to hide.

6. A phone call can reveal much about a person’s communication and social skills. Consider your security and do not reveal your phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone number instead or use local telephone blocking techniques to prevent your phone number from appearing on a Caller ID. Give out your phone number ONLY when you feel completely comfortable.

7. The beauty of meeting someone online is that you can collect information gradually, later choosing whether to pursue the relationship in the offline world. You never are obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level on online intimacy. And even if you decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It’s possible that your decision to keep the relationship anonymous is based on a hunch that you can’t logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with your instincts

8. Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts to pressure or control you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags. You should be concerned if your date exhibits any of the following behavior without providing an acceptable explanation: Provides inconsistent information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc. Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online intimacy. Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions. Appears significantly different in person from his or her online persona. Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or family members.

9. When you choose to meet offline, always tell friends where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with a friend. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a time with many people around (a familiar restaurant or coffee house is often a good choice), and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could weaken your ability to make good decisions. If at some point you and your date decide to move to another location, take your own car. When the timing is right thank your date for getting together and say goodbye

10. If you plan to fly in from another city, arrange for your own car and hotel room. Do not make known the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make arrangements for you. Get a rental car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Always call your date from the hotel. You can also check out the location you both agreed to meet at ahead of time to see exactly where it is and to get more familiar with an area . If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a message on an answering machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans and has your contact information. And carry a cell phone at all times.

Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help or slip out the back door and drive away. If you feel you are in danger, call the police; it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your behavior; your safety is much more important than one person’s opinion of you.

While cheaters, liars and frauds certainly can be very convincing on the Web, you’ll also find them in nightclubs and offline dating services, parties or even sitting across from you at your local coffee house. Despite where you meet someone, dating is never risk-free, but a little caution will reduce your risk to your safety when trying to find that certain someone for your heart.

Healing Anger and Violence in Our Society

I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. All this experience has resulted in the development of a profound six-step healing process, called Inner Bonding, which anyone can learn and use throughout the day (FREE course available - see resource box).

The violence in Littleton, Colorado sparked many discussions regarding the cause of such horrifying behavior on the part of two teenage boys. I would like to address this in terms on Inner Bonding.

In my experience, it is not possible for us as human beings to be violent when we are connected to our true, core Self and to a source of spiritual guidance. When we do the work we need to do to develop a spiritually connected loving adult self, we have an inner adult who places limits on our behavior regarding harming ourselves and others.

However, it is very common in our society for people to lose touch with their true, core Self. Since our core Self holds our intrinsic feelings of compassion and empathy for others, losing touch with this aspect of ourselves may cause us to be able to harm others without feeling any pain or remorse over it. The question is, then, how do we lose our connection with our core Selves?

Many child development experts state that those people who disconnect from their empathy and compassion, generally do so between the ages of two and four. If our parents lacked empathy and compassion for our feelings and needs, we might have chosen to be caretakers and take care of their needs, or we might have chosen to become like them and not care about others' feelings and needs. We may have had no role modeling for maintaining our own inner connection. If our parents shut themselves down to our pain and their own, we may have learned to shut down to our own and others vulnerable feelings. If, in addition, we were physically, sexually, emotionally or verbally abused or neglected, we may have shut down to survive.

Some children, whose parents were shut down or abusive, manage to stay connected with their core Selves through contact with animals such as dogs or horses, while others stay connected through contact with relatives or friends with whom they identify. But many young children just disconnect to survive. When in this disconnected state, if they watch violence on TV or practice violence through video games, they may further train themselves to numb out against compassion, empathy, and the pain of harming others.

Likewise, if children grow up with no personal connection with a source of spiritual guidance, they may not know that we are all one, and they may not consider the possibility that the consequences of their actions may follow them into their lives after death.

Without connection with their core Self and their spiritual guidance, they are left with only their wounded selves. If they happen to be operating from an enraged wounded self, this self can certainly act out in angry and violent ways. With no loving inner Adult to set limits, the harm to themselves or others can be disastrous, as we have seen.

While limiting guns is certainly a good thing to do, it will not stop the violence. This violence will not stop until we no longer need to learn, as very young children, to barricade our hearts. As parents and teachers we need to be practicing a healing process such as Inner Bonding so that we can reclaim our core Selves and our deep connection with God. Only by doing our own inner work will we be able to be the loving role models that our children need. The change in our society must come from within each of us.

Are Drug Addicts Victims Or Criminals?

According to most defense attorneys, politicians, religious leaders, Hollywood celebrities and Democrats as well as many prosecutors and judges and as well as a large part of the American public who have been brainwashed by the "politically correct arbitrators", drug addicts are victims.

This article is about people who are addicted to illegal drugs, not people who become addicted to prescription drugs that were originaly prescribed by a licensed physician for a legitimate reason.

According to most defense attorneys, politicians, religious leaders, Hollywood celebrities and Democrats as well as many prosecutors and judges and as well as a large part of the American public who have been brainwashed by the "politically correct arbitrators", drug addicts are victims.

As far as I am concerned, that is a bunch of hogwash. Drug addicts are most definitely criminals. Not only are they criminals, they are as bad as, and should be punished in the same manner as, drug peddlers.

I don't feel sorry for drug users and addicts. A drug user, with very few exceptions (ie: Someone with an IQ of under sixty), knew the very first time he or she took illegal drugs that he or she was breaking the law. Therefore, the drug user, at that point, became a criminal. The drug user was not only breaking the law, he or she was also aiding and abetting the criminal that gave or sold the user the drugs. The user was providing, or would in the future provide, money or services to the peddler that would enable the peddler to stay in business and to break more laws. If there were no users, there would be no peddlers and if there were no peddlers there would be no drug lords. There would be no drug lords who could use their money to commit murder, nor cause murder to be commited. There would be no drug lords to bribe government officials, no drug lords to pay people to grow and cultivate plants to be turned into drugs. In other words if there were no drug users there would be no drug trafficking.

People have said to me, "I only smoke marijuana, and smoking marijuana should not be against the law because it is no worse than drinking acohol. Additionally, if it is a crime it is a victimless crime.". I tell them that they are wrong. In the first place drinking alcohol is legal for people over the age of twenty one (Whether or not drinking alcohol should be legal is a subject for another article.). In the second place, money used to buy marijuana goes to criminals and is in many instances used to commit more crimes. In the third place, some people resort to crime in order to support their habit. In the fourth place, many people while smoking marijauna, become idiots, and while being forced to talk to or deal with those people may not be considered a crime... it should be.

Many people state that the laws against using certain drugs are bad laws, therefore it is okay to break those laws. Well, I have news for them, if they use those drugs, they are breaking those laws (good or bad) and they are still criminals and they still deserve to be punished. Everyone has their own ideas as to which laws are good and which laws are bad. If everyone only adhered to the laws that they approved of then we would have anarchy.

If you don't like the current drug laws, work to have them changed. In the meantime every time you use illegal drugs you are helping someone either, a criminal or a terrorist, get into a position where they can commit more crimes, including possibly taking the lives of innocent people. This means that you could, indirectly, be killing innocent people in order to have your fun.

As far as I am concerned, anyone who would put people's lives in jeopardy in order to "enjoy" the use of illegal drugs, should be sent to prison for a long time. The idea that we should be helping and rehabilitating these 'poor', 'abused' drug addicts is baloney. People that are addicted to illegal drugs started out as criminals and are still criminals. They knew that they were breaking the law and, unless they were really stupid, they knew there was a chance that they could become addicted. They might have thought that they were too smart or too strong to become addicted, but they still knew that there was, no matter how small, a chance that it could happen.

Remember, if there were no drug users there would be no drug trafficking.